Your fears are not unfounded but are maybe a little exaggerated. As stated above, the risk is no greater in the vanilla dating scene.

There are precautions you can take.

First of all, be cautious. Never take anything at face value, be careful to build a level of trust with someone before you commit to anything and ensure that you assess every situation for potential risks.

Secondly, first meetings (and any subsequent ones until you are sure of them) should involve no play at all. Just a meeting in a pub, restaurant, cafe or similar and follow 'first date rules' (i.e. no play). You certainly do not go anywhere where you may be alone with them and you are careful to ensure that you are aware at all times where your drinks are (never leave them unattended with the person you are meeting) because rohypnol is a very real danger. For these initial meetings you also need to make sure that you have a safe call set up - someone who knows where you are and who you are with and is expecting a call from you at a certain time or they call in the police. If you like you can also set up code words for this person to allow you to call them to tell them everything is fine or something is wrong when the other person is listening.

Your safe call person should have all the details of the person you are meeting that you can get - phone number, address, photographs, distinguishing marks. These things could be vital if they are up to no good.

You can also set up a few few friends to be in the same pub/cafe/restaurant at the same time. Either as an obvious chaperone who is able to slip away when things look like they are going ok or as discrete escorts who happen to be in the same place but on different tables. These can keep an eye on you and be ready if you give a signal.

As for disease, always insist on a condom for any sexual contact.

Don't feel shy about any of these precautions. Any lifestyler worth their salt is aware of the potential problems and will understand your caution. They may well be taking similar precautions themselves.

I would also suggest you look out for any Munches in your area. These are gatherings of kinksters in safe, discrete, vanilla settings with no play or obvious signs of 'being kinky'. A perfect time to talk to like minded people and make new friends without the pressure of lifestyle roles.