Are you into BDSM? I'm not sure from your post if it's something you're into or if you're just trying to guess what he's into.

I think every person is different. Some guys would respond better to talking first, some would respond better to doing first. I don't know your husband so I'm reluctant to say which would be better for him. How good are you guys at communicating in general? Are you able to talk to him about sexual things? You might want to simply start there, maybe simply ask him if he'd be willing to try new things in bed (new could be anything, doesn't have to be BDSM). See what he comes up with.

If you're not able to communicate like that, then you could try as openyoureyes suggested perhaps. But a lot of BDSM is communication, so at some point talking would be necessary. But since you're trying to save your marriage, talking is necessary anyway, so who knows, it might help encourage your communication skills.

Good luck with whatever you try. I hope it works out for you.