As the host said, I can't waste this chance to play my part in defeating the worlds greatest escape artist, the incomparable Felina Pan Teer. I've use up all my main restraints, but I find something else in the bottom of my holdall. Once more I am back on stage, approaching the bizarrely constrained perfomer with a coil of latex medical tubing in my hand. As a pass Louise I whisper, "You gave me the idea for this."

I gather Felina's hair up and twist it into a pony tail. I wind and bind one end of the stretchy tubing into the tail's end, then knot the end of pony tail around the tube. I listen to muffled grunts and yelps though her hood as I work; I realise I am deliberately inflicting pain on Miss Pan Teer, something that earlier I endeavored to avoid. Am I succumbing to the sadistic spirit of the baying audience, who are yelling at me to twist and pull harder?

I run the tube up to the bag covering her feet. Feeding it between her suspension ropes and over and between her feet, before working the tip back between her calves. As I pull it tight, and it begins to stretch, the tube hauls Felina's head back by her hair until, were it not for the hood, she would almost be looking ahead at row upon row of sadistic grins. The chain holding the hood in place is stretched across her throat like a cruel necklace. Meanwhile, the loop over her feet tightens the bag down over them. Hauling until the tension on the tube, and her hair, is extreme I complete another cinching loop before knotting the other end of the tube to itself.

Having completed my hair-hogtie I carry out an inspection of all of Miss Felicia Pan Teers restaints, satisfying myself that there is not a trace of slack anywhere. I lean down close to her hood head and say:

"Now get out of that!"

The audience cheers. I blow a kiss to Louise (who in return for her predicament has the best view of the upcoming entertainment) and return to my seat. My heart is beating fast, I can't wait for the escape to begin. I have followed the career of Felica for years, surely this will be the toughest test of her skills to date.