I can completely understand what you mean. I do think there will always be people who take advantage of a submissive person's need to please whether they are vanilla or not. There are many selfish and lazy people in the world who try to use people they see as weak. I have noticed that pattern in my life with abusive or domineering bfs and friends. I have had to dump close friends before after realizing all they wanted was what they could get from me. Getting older, becoming a mom, and exploring the sub side of myself have all helped me to stand up for myself and no longer please out of insecurity or neediness but because I desire to do so for a specific person or reason. if my needs will not be met than submitting is not happening.
One problem I have been facing lately is on playdates with my child the other mothers will sit and chat while I am chasing kids around, tying shoelaces and breaking up fights and drying tears. if not for the kids i'd have told off the moms long ago. but the kids come first so for them I keep my mouth shut. lol