Quote Originally Posted by Midori View Post
It is just that he is so hesitant, and so clearly doing it only to please me,

He says he mildly enjoys spanking me because he knows I like it. He is anything but dominant in his nature.

and preferred to be on the receiving end of matters (such as having me be on top),

and that his natural instinct in most situations is to roll onto his back and giggle sweetly.
I was going to say it, but hb59 beat me to it: your husband is showing some pretty strong tendencies towards being a submissive type of person himself. That doesn't mean he's into BDSM at all; it just seems to me that he'd prefer to be on the bottom, and you'd prefer to be on the bottom...so no matter which way you have it, one of you is more aroused than the other.

It actually makes perfect sense that you two would be attracted to each other, with similar personality traits like that. And just like any relationship, I think you two can work out a sexual arrangement that will make you both feel satisfied, with a lot of work, patience, and communication. But the most important thing for that to work is the truth- you both have to be open to admitting how you really feel. So your first step would be this:

We have had many talks about sex, and for the past several months, I have mentioned several that I have had an easier time with arousal when my partner is behaving in a somewhat dominant way. What I have never said is that I can ONLY achieve arousal under these circumstances, in part because I am reluctant to admit to myself that this is true.
You've got to first admit how you feel to yourself (sounds to me like you have), then you've got to tell him (in a way that makes it clear you're not blaming him, nor calling him a failure or a bad lover). And then work on encouraging him to tell you his real feelings, too.

I think it's possible for you two to figure this out because 1) your marriage is young, so you're not set in your ways and change is fairly possible, and 2)
He says he mildly enjoys spanking me because he knows I like it.
I think you can build on this, each of you learning to like things only for the reason that you know your partner enjoys it (this is where love is really helpful; you naturally want each other to feel good), and over time you might find that you can each grow to like what the other one wants. I know I've done it with some things, learned to like things only because my partner enjoys it; and he has done the same (but this can take a long time; be patient). I still think the 50-50 idea will work, too.

So that's a lot of advice I guess I gave about two people I've never met- take it for what it's worth. I hope the two of you are able to work things out to the happiness of you both : )