Venom... thank you for taking the time to read and critique my piece. You have very valid points. The story itself is longer but I just put the first part here as overall the piece was to long for this venue. The situation and motivations are not quite as generic overall but your point is well taken. I try not to use "I" in stories but it obviously got away from me here. Whereas I understand your comments about punctuation, since you were not specific I might put in down to the very subjective nature of rules these days. I'm glad I did get some mental pictures in the story. I struggle with "show me don't TELL me". Again thank you. I'm sorry I've not been on sooner. I got a bit fed up with not only my choice of browser for this site but the lack of response. - lil ash