I have only experienced BDSM with one person who I was also in a long term relationship with. We both began discovering and exploring BDSM together from a (mostly) vanilla relationship and found we loved it. He was the perfect compliment to me and knew exactly how to dominate me, what to do to me and what to say to make me love my submission. We're no longer together and I'm trying to think about how things might be with my next boyfriend. I don't know how to go about finding him - by which I mean should I embark again on another vanilla relationship and gradually try to introduce BDSM topics thereafter, or should I deliberately find someone already into it.

I wonder how easy it would be to introduce BDSM into a new vanilla relationship; how likely somebody would be to explore it a little on my request.

I also wonder, since like you I also want to remain being the 'powerhouse' and leave BDSM purely to the sexual side of the relationship, if searching for somebody within the BDSM community is the wrong way to go about it. My impression (very uneducated so feel free to inform me!) is that most people in this community consider BDSM to be a whole way of life that affects all areas of life and doesn't just have an on/off switch so you can have a little BDSM fun when time allows for it.

Don't worry that you are asking too much of people - in any relationship, BDSM or otherwise, it takes time and maybe a lot of 'dates' to find someone you can see yourself with. Don't lower your expectations because you have yet found the master you want, just keep searching. Someone will turn up who is just what you were looking for. I guess this post has talked more about my own worries at the moment than helping you with yours, but just consider the different routes that you could maybe go down to find the person you are looking for. Is it essential, for example, that they have previous experience, or could you be with someone that pleases you for other reasons and then introduce the dominance into your relationship thereafter?

I hope I've helped but I think you might not be able to identify with this post. You are talking of finding a master and I'm talking about finding a partner, an equal, but who will dominate me sexually. I may be wrong but I don't think they're the same people? All the same, to anyone else that has read this post I'd also like advice please!!