Quote Originally Posted by ami_r90 View Post
I'm trying to think about how things might be with my next boyfriend. I don't know how to go about finding him - by which I mean should I embark again on another vanilla relationship and gradually try to introduce BDSM topics thereafter, or should I deliberately find someone already into it.

I wonder how easy it would be to introduce BDSM into a new vanilla relationship; how likely somebody would be to explore it a little on my request.
Judging from this and many other lists - not very! I think you have been extremely lucky with the one you had.

I also wonder, since like you I also want to remain being the 'powerhouse' and leave BDSM purely to the sexual side of the relationship, if searching for somebody within the BDSM community is the wrong way to go about it. My impression (very uneducated so feel free to inform me!) is that most people in this community consider BDSM to be a whole way of life that affects all areas of life and doesn't just have an on/off switch so you can have a little BDSM fun when time allows for it.
Don't worry about that - there are no rules with these matters other than do what makes you happy.

You are talking of finding a master and I'm talking about finding a partner, an equal, but who will dominate me sexually. I may be wrong but I don't think they're the same people? All the same, to anyone else that has read this post I'd also like advice please!!
Maybe the same people, but not the same choices. But a M's relationship is only one of many many ways, and even within M's relationships there are many ways!

Do not worry, you can find your opposite number, and here too. Just be clear about what you want, and what you can give.