Quote Originally Posted by Liushka View Post
Well I am actually curious about others' thoughts about the notions of bottom vs sub, as this is more about how *I* define myself, but since I mostly read about the notion of sub (or slave which isn't me) before, I was curious to see how people view the difference.
Aha, got it. Well, to me the division in these 3 categories does not make as much sense as you'd think. I believe that the only way you can attempt to make some use of them is to say that the expressions denote some sort of continuum of submission, but that is still not really useful as I see it, as other things keep coming into it.

For example a bottom is said to have more to say, but in truth most relationships are negotiated and re-negotiated as things develope and change. What I mean is that the needs can change, but also that a BDSM life does not live in a vacum, and things can change around it, life death or birth or work or what not.

It also does not take into consideration what people need in an active sense - force, 'rape', punishment or not, breath control, age relatinships, being made to serve others or not, pushing your bounderies or not, and a host of other things. All of this happens in all 3 'categories.'

It is said quite often that a bottom is not submissive, and only thinks of their own needs, but to me that is just not true. In most relationships that are any good, both parties think of each other.

It is also said that subs/slaves think only of their D's needs, but frankly I have met none that really work like that, in that they have ONLY the need of serving and none of their own, or, that they can do = anything that their D want them to. Whether we want them or not, we have limits, as we are all results of what has happened to us during our lives.

So, I think that it is really not useful for a person's own definition to try to choose between bottom or sub at least. I realize that a label is useful in defining ourselves, but we'd need a whole lot more of them! Which might be a good thing, because we'd get rid of the more or less covert hiearachy in these matters. Very few people here idenitfy as bottoms or tops ;-)