Can anyone help me?

[cariad]

I fully support what maddie has said. I have read through your last post a few times, and there are so many avenues which need to be carefully explored, and at a pace which is right for you. If you possibly can see a therapist I think it would be money well spent. Please do not think we are washing out hands of you, and whatever you decide we will be here for you.

I would be concerned about exploring some of the issues you raise in your post in such a public forum. I think you need to address some very deep, personal and possibly painful issues, and I know I would not be willing to answer the same questions here, although I would be willing to explore them with a few trusted people. I would like to think that as this exchange is happening in forums you are also establishing a more intimate friendship with a few chosen people.

You ask if it is normal to think about BDSM so much - in my experience I do that with whatever is most significant/novel/interesting/exciting in my life at the time. So the answer is yes, it is probably normal for you do so at the moment. Given time you will find something will take its place and for a season that will be uppermost in your mind and that will also be perfectly normal.

cariad

[Evan_]

Hi Denial,

I am no profession at love, life, religeon, or much else come to think about it, but I know this much:

You are not a freak.
Love is not sex
Sex is not love.
Love and sex should not be confused for each other.
There is no "one" or "right" way to a dom/sub relationship
dom/sub relationships can be loving, nurturing, and intimate.
dom/sub relationships don't have to contain leather OR lace
or even handcuffs.... ;-) but they can if you want them to

I want to respectfully disagree with something stated earlier: you want to 'find your head' without feeling observed by your husband. How about this for a happy middle ground? Spend a little more time here, asking questions, reading, exploring, discussing, and tell him that when you're a little more comfortable (you can put a time frame on it if it helps either or both of you), you will share everything with him, including all of your posts, ramblings, links, and questions. It's not a dirty secret, and you don't have to spend EVERY minute of EVERY day sharing EVERY thing you do. Explore a little, then you can hold his hand and show him the way at your own pace later!

Keep exploring

Regards,
Another Catholic