I was molested by my father when I was 4 and 5. I don't remember too much about it really, just some flashes, like a slideshow. What I do remember was this yucky feeling I would get whenever I would hear certain songs. I still do. There were some incidents when I was a little older as well, but for the most part I was pretty sure I was over them a long time ago. If it was ever suggested that I was sexually repressed or submissive because of my issue from that I would scoff at the idea. But now, looking back, my orgasms have always been quiet, my reactions always muted. I have never ever let go and just allowed myself the freedom to truly enjoy anything sexually. Even when I thought I had, I was still trying too hard, concentrating too much and holding in what I could have let out. My orgasms had become too much work to even bother with anymore. I went into every relationship with the disclaimer, "I cannot cum easily so don't waste your time trying."

I had always been disgusted by the idea of Daddy Doms and associated it with sick individuals who liked children the 'wrong' way. It never occurred to me that it could be about something entirely different, Until I met my Master. He taught me that it isn't a sick fascination with children. It is about protection, security and trust. It's about letting go of your doubt, fear and worry and relinquishing control. By letting Him take control I no longer need to worry that I will be abandoned, lose Him or be hurt by Him. He is my protector and my safe place. This is a very hard thing for me, personally, to come to terms with. It means accepting that I have no control over what happened to me and that I was not nearly as 'over it' as I thought I was. The first time He brought it up with me I literally felt a wall slam shut in my head. Gradually that wall has started to come down. I am learning that I need to let it go. Let Him take control of me and give Him all I have. I never thought I would actually 'like' saying "Daddy" to anyone. That I want it more than anything now is still a shock for me.

The sound of His voice has more power over me than any bad memory and I am so close to knocking down that wall for good. What happened to me when I was a child was unforgivable. But I no longer have a reason to let it control me, because now Daddy is in control, and this baby girl is finally home.