I went through a similar time of feeling neglected by J after we had been together for a few years. We fell into a routine where there was barely any interaction of any kind, vanilla or otherwise, and we -lived- together at the time. What I found helped me was to write him a letter, a real letter not an email, that explained how I was feeling, what I would like to happen and how much I was missing the connection we'd created. I was very careful to not put demands upon him or ask for anything. I ended the letter saying something like "This is how I feel, I hope we can return to what we were". That was enough to make him realize that I needed something he wasn't providing without making him feel like I was nagging him about it.

It might help you, it's might not. Like was said above, he might have just been interested in 'the chase' or he might really and truly be up to his neck in other stuff.

Hope this helps