Getting stuck in the same rut

[sexyslave69]

My husband and I started to explore the BDSM scene a little over a month ago now.I brought it up to him, thought it might help our sex life and our marriage,not like there was really anything wrong but might of brought as closer together.We are doing a little bdsm but it's always the same thing all the time.Same positions, activities,same everything. I want to grow as a submissive and him as a dominant but not sure how to get him to toughen him up and open up.We do have a child under the ago of five and my mother in law lives with us but we have privacy in our bedroom.I have talked to him about it a few times but it's still the same.Not sure if there is really anything I can do but maybe give him some more time to get used to it I guess..

[Ozme52]

Go to a munch. Meet some people. Share stories, knowledge, techniques. Perhaps go to a party when you're both comfortable, to at least watch.

Then you can experiment.

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I can see his issues with his mother (or yours for that matter) in the house. There's no way to hide the sound of a slap or spanking or flogging, or the moans that go with good session. Do either of you want to explain that to "mom"? Or take the consequences if she becomes outraged? I'd "bet" your activities are all quiet ones. So go out to play.

[sexyslave69]

Ok I talked to him about what I mentioned in the post and his response was " We got through 10 years of the way we had sex before we can go 10 more with just what we are doing now.Sex now is vanilla and a little BDSM sprinkled in.I want mostly BDSM and no vanilla.I am going to ask him to go to "The Upper Floor" maybe he will get what I am looking for.He is not much on going out and meeting new people,he likes to stay home.I don't think I could EVER get him to go to one of those munch parties.Well thanks for reading and responding if you did

[denuseri]

Why not get him to come here to the site and explore it with you?

[sexyslave69]

That might be a good idea denuseri.He has been working a lot of over time lately but maybe can get him to check it out in the morning with me. I also mentioned for us to take a look at the website "The Upper Floor".

[thir]

Ok I talked to him about what I mentioned in the post and his response was " We got through 10 years of the way we had sex before we can go 10 more with just what we are doing now.Sex now is vanilla and a little BDSM sprinkled in.I want mostly BDSM and no vanilla.I am going to ask him to go to "The Upper Floor" maybe he will get what I am looking for.He is not much on going out and meeting new people,he likes to stay home.I don't think I could EVER get him to go to one of those munch parties.Well thanks for reading and responding if you did

Dear sexyslave69: Judging from your post on bdsm 101 'husband finds it hard to be mean' as well as this one, the problem seems to be simply that the bdsm needs are largely yours and not his. You can drag a horse to the water, but you cannot force it to drink, as the saying goes.

[sexyslave69]

So I guess should just give up then..He will miss me giving him a blow job on command lol.Thanks for the advise everyone.

[Flaming_Redhead]

It's only been a month, and you're already giving up?! I've read both of your threads. It sounds like you expect your husband to do a 360-degree spin and then go from 0-60 miles per hour in 5.2 seconds. LOL First of all, you need to slow down. There's a lot to learn, and it takes time. Read some books together and discuss them. If he's adamant about not being interested, you can't force him to change.

[sexyslave69]

No I am not giving up.We had a long talk the other night and we decided to keep going.

[Misschief]

Do you journal for his eyes only..?

[Master Sergeant]

Yet another opinion but, bear in mind please, it is an opinion. My wife (Sub) approached me with the idea initially as well. I was pretty much a Vanilla kind of guy [up to that point]. All the "We don't hit women", and "You want me to do what to you?" was a shock to my mind at first. Well Sexyxslave 69, after watching some porn with her in control of the mouse, OKAY a lot of porn with her in control of the mouse, followed by some open discussion over Adult Beverages of what we watched, I began to see into her mind. We did some new stuff based on the videos and our conversations. I honestly don't know who really enjoyed it more. We both read stories privately and to each other. We have gone to the local sex shop, made purchases as a couple and even asked staff persons open questions about some of the toys available. There is no limits to our discussion topics and secret desires and "Have you ever thought abouts" during our talks. I realize that she has a certain need. To even approach me with the subject took courage on her part. "What if he thinks I am some kind of freak or perverted person?" Trust in me was her bedrock. Hope that I would be willing to "Hit her" and "Put it there" allowed her to open up to me on the deepest, innermost level sexually. I proudly accepted the RESPONSIBILITY to be her Dom. Your Dom / Husband can gain a lot of insight and reap enormous benefit by giving a real chance to meeting your needs and desires within this lifestyle. As for Mom and the little one; Plan times for her to take the little one to the movies, park, zoo, shopping. If planned windows are presented there will be no reason why you can't play in your own home as free and loud as you want. Go to lunch or dinner as a couple but go to a motel instead. There is a ton of things you can do but communicate your want for this to him in a manner he can only say yes to. He loves you and wants to fulfill your life. Don't let him wiggle off the hook so easy.
Just an opinion.