Quote Originally Posted by curiouskiwi View Post
Hello all..

I'm not quite sure how 2 word this so I'm going to just put it as clear and bluntly as I can and hopefully my point/question gets across.

For a long time now I knew that regular sex just wouldn't do it for me. The first time I had sex my mind kept wandering and I couldn't for the life of me stop thinking about how wrong it felt. The only time I truly felt pleasured or into it was when he'd do things that would cause a little pain or make sure I couldn't get away. I kept hoping he'd do more of those things but he never did. Eventually, we broke up.

I got another boyfriend but I figured I'd try out this internet long distance relationship thing because I thought I could be honest about how I felt sexually because we would never meet. I told him about my submissive tendencies and things I fantasized about. I don't think he was dominate to me because eventually the things I felt like I wanted became too much for him to even type them out for me. Furthermore, I felt like I would much rather dominate him than have him do me.

Which brings me to problem a) I have no idea what I'm doing. I am totally incapable of giving myself an orgasm through masturbation. My mind wanders and I actually get bored with it. I feel like somethings missing and I just get no where. Which leads 2 problem b) all the time I'm fantasizing about what it would be like to be dominated or something like that. I have no idea about how to go about finding a master or a dominate and to be completely honest I'm oblivious to when I attract male attention. This lead to c) I believe that when I find out someone likes me I become terrified of them. I trust people easily but I'm not sure if I could trust someone with this part of me that just craves to belong completely and utterly to one person, especially if I don't know them so well. But I know for a fact that vanilla sex just doesn't cut it. I start to think of everything but what we are doing. And the dominance play is the only way that I get excited enough to lose myself.

I'm not sure if I managed to make my problem clear but I hope I did. I really hope someone here can help me with this too.
First off....all of what your describing is perfectly normal for an emerging submissive. Especially one who is having trouble making a connection in the community and is dissatisfied with the online contrivances...Ive been through some of the very same things myself.

So relax...you have plenty of time to get focused and you sure don't need to rush into anything...go at your own pace and keep your wits about you, be safe first and kinky second.

Some fantasies are perfectly normal to keep as fantasies too, not everything that flashes through one's head need be tried out necessarily.

Educate yourself...the forums are full of useful information, as is the non-fiction selection of books on the topic of bdsm. Heck Barnes and Noble even has a section for it now.

Additionally one can find a fetish convention, public dungeon, or munch with very little effort via google (just type the name of your city followed by the keyword for what your looking for and be amazed at all the results to choose from)...we even have a whole list of fetish events to attend that are open to the public and safe listed a little further down in the forums so you don't need to run off and join any meat market sites like collarme or fetlife.