Wow, what a great thread, and three years old too. I'm only half way through reading each post because I want to try and understand everyone's position. I think it's important to allow yourself an open mind and I'll probably kick myself for posting before I finished reading the entire thread but here goes, my two cents...
Who is so Dom that they get to make all the rules and these rules are unconditional and must be abided by? Who is so sub that they don't have the ability to say "no" I can't/won't do that? I think as humans, we are all in a vast circle and each one of us finds a spot we are comfortable with. Some gravitate to one extreme more than others while some like the adventure of investigating the realm somewhere closer to the middle. Maybe the middle offers more insight to both sides, I don't know. I do believe that it is within everyone's ability to shift around and explore any aspect once they allow themselves to open up to all the possibilities.
I've never explored any BDSM outside of a close personal relationship. But within that relationship, I have found it most rewarding to be able to assume both roles as it helps me to understand what the other-side is like enough to orchestrate matters for mutual satisfaction. I really think it comes down to two people and how much they want to try and make one another feel fulfilled and complete. It doesn't matter how you get there, it only matters that you do.
I will admit that I have never been able to wrap my head around certain things. Certain concepts just seem to foreign to me. Others seem to attract me like a strong magnet. But neither has anything to do with being dominant or submissive. I think that is more just a matter of what I'm in the mood for at the time and how my partner makes me feel. I think it's a lot of fun to be open to whatever happens and just live for the moment.