Damn curious, you are one of those cases that just break my heart. Not that you need any sympathy or pity from me. It sounds like you have found the peace in your life that makes you complete and happy. And I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you nothing more than a life of bliss. But, I too, had an abusive step-father that beat the hell out of us. I can't count the beatings I took for my sisters after I convinced him that whatever happened was my fault. I can't bear to imagine a male touching a female that way unless it is done very gently in a BDSM and not an angry way. I'm just one of those sick fools that likes to imagine all females belong on a pedestal. At least most of the time ;-)