Sirs frustration

[sirslittleslut]

Quite respectfully, and with His permission, i am posing this question to subs for myself and Doms for Him. Please forgive me if you see it twice =).
Ok so Sir readily admits Himself that this is a problem especially to our D/s dynamic. He is quick to anger and frustration, of which i am seldom (but sometimes) the cause. The problem lies in the fact that once some admittedly minor thing upsets Him, He becomes imposable to please. No matter how on point anything i do is, from that moment on He CANT let it be good enough. He nearly steps away from His role as my Dom, but can't let me back off from being His sub (says in those moments it would piss Him off more). This impossibility and the unfairness of the situation to me is POISON for us. He doesn't know how to change it (though he readily admits its unreasonable and unfair if he's calm when we discuss this) and I don't know how to not let it wound me so. Please keep in mind if answering we have children and it wouldn't always be appropriate to deal with in context at the moment. All help SOOOOOO appreciated by both of us...

[Xmaster1]

I really do not know if I can help but I do feel for you both. Sometimes submissives can be exceedingly frustrating. (can't we all be)
It is very hard but dominants must have control over themselves. If you cannot control your emotions, how can you control another person?
I am not saying that it is totally wrong for him to get frustrated or angry, but he does need to figure out why it is happening and both of you work to avoid hitting those buttons if possible.
He is right, even if he steps out of the dom role, when this happens you must stay submissive. Being a dom or a submissive is not always easy.

Just a total guess here but his fustration might be from him not knowing or not feeling like he is dominant enough for you. That he isn't doing it right and he doesn't know how to correct it.

Tell him to come to the chat room sometime, maybe we can have a doms night and just talk about things like that in one of the side rooms.

And remember, being a submissive isn't just about chains and rope and whips, it is about giving yourself to your dom/master completely. He is taking a lot of responsibility, you have to show him you trust him to use it.

good luck!

[thir]

Quite respectfully, and with His permission, i am posing this question to subs for myself and Doms for Him. Please forgive me if you see it twice =).
Ok so Sir readily admits Himself that this is a problem especially to our D/s dynamic. He is quick to anger and frustration, of which i am seldom (but sometimes) the cause. The problem lies in the fact that once some admittedly minor thing upsets Him, He becomes imposable to please. No matter how on point anything i do is, from that moment on He CANT let it be good enough. He nearly steps away from His role as my Dom, but can't let me back off from being His sub (says in those moments it would piss Him off more). This impossibility and the unfairness of the situation to me is POISON for us. He doesn't know how to change it (though he readily admits its unreasonable and unfair if he's calm when we discuss this) and I don't know how to not let it wound me so. Please keep in mind if answering we have children and it wouldn't always be appropriate to deal with in context at the moment. All help SOOOOOO appreciated by both of us...

Is it possible that the reason for this irritation lies outside of your bdsm life? Is something wrong on the job, with health, the kids?

[setius]

I would tell you both to stop the lifestyle for a few weeks. If he is getting frustrated and it is rarely to do with you, then it has something to do with him. As a dom, I know when I should stop and collect myself when mundane life takes premises over my chosen life. And since you have kids I would urge you two to talk about all possible problems before stepping back into the life. It's hard to stay safe when you can't stay sane.

[DontFWM]

Frustration is normal,Doms and subs alike have that feeling for various reason and both participants need to work on satisfying frustrations through questioning each other,how else can you learn.?..Anger however is another matter...Anger has no place in a doms life,it creates fear in the subs life and that creates resentment,distrust and doubt..Anger also can create an unsafe enviroment and that is the ultimate No..No...Both of you must step out side your roles for a few moments and find the trigger that fires the anger and the doms resposibility is to control it...Its been said earlier in this post and its very true...If you cant control yourself,how can you control your sub...An angry dom is not a dom but a "Bully"...

[Misschief]

Dom/es forget sometimes that subbies need to get worked up, mentally and physically, before the complete and total willingness to please/submit occurs.. Additionally, you two may not be compatible.. Keep a sub journal.. make sure he fing reads it from time to time after you play..

[Dog's Lady]

In the SCA-a medieval re-creation group-the heavy fighters have a rule: you never fight when you are angry. I have seen people pull their friends off the field to give them time to cool off. The reason is that we don't want anyone to get hurt, and anger can impair judgement, which can lead to someone having to leave the event to visit the ER-never a fun thing. We like to have wars, fight against each other all day, then drink together all night.
I would think that BDSM is similar. Yes, some of us do want to be hurt, but within limits. I love and trust my lover/Master, would with my life, but I don't think I would play with him when he loses his cool. (He does have a bit of a temper, and works very hard at controlling it, but sometimes life gets through.) I don't think he would play with me when he is angry about something, whether it had anything to do with me or not. Why? Because he is all about safety, and wouldn't want to risk damaging me-as opposed to hurting me-when a little time to cool off would make things safer.
I don't know the ins and outs of your situation, but I think I would step partly out of sub-mode if his anger was an issue. Not be disrespectful or anything, but offer to be support or to give him space, rather than play at that time. I hope I am getting my idea across. It sounds like you are married, or in a similar long-term relationship. When he is frustrated, be his wife, not his sub, again, without getting mouthy or bratty. Or make your service along the lines of getting him time to calm himself-take the kids for a walk, get him A drink and some quite time to relax (not get him drunk, which can make things worse, but something like the '50's housewife waiting with the martini for hubbie to relax with after a long day,) or, if it works for him, run him a hot bath. That way, you are not totally stepping out of role, you are just giving him what he needs even if it isn't what he wants.
I hope this is helpful, and doesn't sound too pushy or know-it-all-ish. Best of luck to you both, and if you find a solution, I, at least, would love to hear about it.