Hi subandi. Welcome here. I am very much in the same boat as you.
We have the same issues with sex and he has the same reaction to this lifestyle.

But, being here 3 months( really a very short time ) i have seen 2 things.
Firstly, i read the advice in one of the forums that 'showing' him what i like during sex is better than telling him. If i tell him something he sees it as critisism and reacts in a confrontational way. If i SHOW him, its fun! Especially if he sees my reaction to what he is doing. This has helped me introduce aspects of what turns me on at times we are intimate. He is now starting to do these things without me having to show him every time

Secondly, as I learned more I became more confident and happy in myself. I felt many of my needs were being met here. This had a natural outflow into my everyday life. He started noticing ME as a sexual being again. Again, positive but still not exactly what I need.

These are the baby-steps I started with. I'm not sure where we will end up but its worth the try.

This is of course only what is working for me. I hope you find a way that answers all your needs.