I don't use a journal. I probably should, but I don't.

I did write him a very heartfelt letter last evening, and this morning he responded to it very sweetly and lovingly.... but stayed firm in his decision to end our Mastership.

I agree that one mistake doesn't warrant cutting this off completely. I feel like this would be a great learning experience for both of us, but I think he may even feel a little bit self conscious about it. Perhaps self conscious isn't the right word though... unsettled maybe?? He told me that he feels as though I undermined our relationship by a)not doing what he commanded the way in which he commanded it and b)by voicing my opinion on how unfair the punishment was. And that now that I've not done and questioned his authority once, it's more likely to happen with regularity in the future. Which is absolutely NOT true.

It's not that I don't see where he's coming from, I do. But I feel like he's taking it to the absolute extreme and giving me the ultimate punishment (termination of the Master/submissive bond) for making a mistake.



Also- I do not think he understands how crushing it is for me. He was a little bit exasperated with me this morning when I was so upset about his response to my letter. But he just doesn't know what it's like for a submissive to feel 'let go' like that. Sure our relationship isn't over, but I feel as though he's rejecting a very essential and core part of my humanity and now I need to muddle through learning how to relate to him in a new and different way.... and it's just really really difficult for me.