so hard to find a girl my age into this.

[Austerus]

chrisx18, meet DestinyOfChaos. DestinyOfChaos, meet chrisx18. Problem solved!

Particular Case
In your particular cases, part of your problem may be that online, dominants tend to have CapitalizedNames, and subs tend to have lowercase_names. It's not universal but it's a cultural rule people usually break mindfully, knowing what they're doing. In both your cases you're probably signaling some potential mates that you're on the other side than you mean to. You should also try for a particularly masculine or feminine name, so that if someone sees you they know "Male Dom" or "Female Sub" or "Transgender Bisexual Switch" or whatever.

I would recommend against the kinds of vulgar names some people go for like "BitchOwner7" or "cuntslime_13." Realize that, especially in Chat, your name represents you before people know you. It's your look, your first impression. Choose something that says who you are (or want to be) with some creativity. Doms, a cheap trick (one I use) is to translate something to Latin or Greek. It sounds Dommy, without being vulgar or over the top. Subs, a cheap trick is to choose your favorite flower. Modify it, if you want, with some submissive/girly personality trait (blushing_rose, or trembling_ chrysanthemum (lol) or something).

People will absolutely make assumptions and react based on your name. It's all they have to go on, and it's something you choose for yourself. So choose something good.

General Case
In the _general_ case, this kind of thread always mystifies me. It's really easy to find 18-21-year-olds who are into BDSM online. Here, on DALNet, whatever. The internet is lousy with young men and women who are looking for online BDSM, and every time I go into the Library chat room I see multiple young, single, submissives and dominants.

If the problem isn't that you can't find a partner, but that you can't find one interested in playing with you then it's not because of your age, it's because of how you act. Go into chat, talk to people in a non-threatening, non-sexual way. Make some friends, build up some community cred, and then slowly start talking about kink with your new friends. You'll eventually have the confidence (and the trust in return) to start speaking more explicitly, and maybe scening a little with people.

Subbies...dominants are _really_ easy. Call one "Sir," look bashfully down at his feet or crotch as though he's too impressive for you to hold his gaze for long, and generally act as though this fumbling young man is powerful and has you trembling with fear and expectation. He'll be on you like butter on toast, and he might even become the man you're pretending he is. Just don't make any promises or commitments you aren't comfortable with, and be safe.

Dominants...you want a girl to submit to you, BE DOMINANT. Don't be domineering, don't be an ass, but know what you want and project confidence. Build up friendships with older, more established members of the community (but I wouldn't agree to "sub to learn" or "apprentice" or whatever, I think that's often an ugly trap). Anyway, make friends, build goodwill. When that young lady sees you in channel, comfortable in your own skin and being called Sir by some of the older subbies (this is a gift that they give you to help you get play) she will think of you as a dominant. She'll ask SubbieNet (they all talk to each other, all the time, you have no secrets) about you and hears that you're a good guy who's young and looking, you'll be set.

It's really not very difficult. It just takes a small amount of effort and a bit of time.