This may be getting way off the original topic, but I am really afraid that I am losing him. He is my first "real" BDSM lover, and I am not sure I can be this open, this trusting, with anyone else, which would mean losing BDSM, too. And losing one of my best friends in addition. Oz, you're SCA, so you at least will understand this bit: about 14 years ago, someone in kingdom went to him, insulting me. Without fighting in anger (an SCA no-no, big time,) Dog will still look for a chance to fight this guy whenever they are both armored up. He is, without being an actual knight in the SCA, my knight in shining armor, my hero, my defender. And the guy who can take me to sexual heights I have never felt before.
I am called MamaS---- by a lot of people (still hiding my real name) because I have this need to take care of people. He wouldn't let me do anything for him-not buy him dinner, not drive him back and forth so he could nap or study, not even hold him while he slept for one night. I couldn't do anything for him when his life was really awful, except, seemingly, add more stress. Why would he keep me? Lots of women give good head, and they are younger, prettier, sexier than I am. (See post in jealousy thread for more info.) Sorry I am venting; the holidays seem to bring out the worst in me.
But I can see where someone who was cut off might resent people who are happily beating or getting beaten. (To return to the original thread, just for fun.) I am just trying to hang on to hope that I will have the chance to be happily in pain with my love again. I wish I could get him on this site-maybe it would at least re-open the lines of communication between us.
Scarlett, let me say again that I am happy for you, once I break through my own resentment issues. Enjoy your Master, let him enjoy you, and, incidentally, be a beacon of hope for me and others who are without partners. Oz, thank you again for all the insights you have shared. I think that, were we in the same kingdom, we could be real friends. (NOT a come-on. I really mean just friends. Not that I say never anymore, but I am a little busy right now . . . husband, kid (homeschooled), lover/Master with his own major issues, best friend/heart sister with health and financial issues who is staying with me and husband, possible upcoming back surgery . . . a have too much on my plate to take on another lover right now, and, while I can be a flirt, I am NOT a tease.)
Everyone else: sorry if I got too personal in this post. Between this thread and the jealousy one, I guess I got kind of set off. Thanks for your patience with me.