Hey thalia,
Sorry you had such a hard time in Vanillaville, and welcome home.

I think a lot of people know exactly how you feel and have been through similar relationships and situations. It sucks that you had to go through four years of unhappiness, but at least you're blessed with a chance to try again, and not feel trapped in a relationship that doesn't work for you. I know a lot of people who post here have discovered this side of themselves but are in longterm vanilla marriages with uninterested partners, and don't feel they have had the opportunity to ever really discover themselves or get free. So even though you've had a rough time, it sounds like you're at a place where you can take positive steps to makeing yourself feel better!

My only warning would be not to jump back in too fast. I think a lot of people, when they return to the scene after a long absence, are so hungry that they make "noob" mistakes and let themselves get too deep, too fast, into questionable relationships. You've got all the time in the world to find the right person and situation for you so take your time, be careful, and have fun!