I do know how you feel-I don't have the Dom/sub chemistry with my husband, and my lover/Master lives a 20-hour car trip away. I can offer one idea, something I have done in the past. I don't know if it will help you much, but hopefully it will be something. I would read about BDSM, in books or online, until I got really revved up; then I would go to bed, fantasies firmly in my mind, and have vanilla sex with my husband. Not the same as the real thing, I know, but it can act like a band-aid (when I probably need 100 stitches or something, to push the metaphor way far,) until I can be with l/M.
Also, keep visiting here, talking with others helps some, too.
Good luck.