A lot of people have bandied about definitions for these words, trying to make sense of, and less offensive-yes, I felt attacked in that post, and I am not even good enough at BDSM to call myself a slave yet. I'm just a wannabe doing her best to learn to be a slave someday-the original post. But remember that ther are two types of, or parts to, a definition. There is the denotation, the literal meaning, the dictionary definition; but there is also the connotation, the meaning we bring to the word. For example, "mom" just means maternal parent. But what images does it bring up? I don't know about you, but I get warm, fuzzy feelings from this word. Mom is someone who helps with homework, and bakes cookies, and your friends think she is cool even when you want to hate her. Mother, which has the same denotation, brings up entirely different feelings, of someone who is stern, lacks a sense of humor. She might have created you, and will serve your very basic needs: food, clothing, shelter; but she might neglect your needs for understanding, compassion, love.

My b/f called himself a whore to me, and I kind of lost it. We were on the phone, so at least he couldn't see my face, but I know he caught some of my shock. Was I about to be asked for money? Was he going to tell me the free samples were over? WTF? Then we talked more, and I learned that he meant with whore what I mean by slut, basically. He likes to sleep around, and someday, no matter how good things are with us, he will want some "strange." He wanted me to know this, to be prepared for the day he slept around. We laid some limits, and I agreed to it.

I guess my point is that the OP'er is working from very different connotations than the rest of us. We may never be able to have a rational conversation about this because we don't understand her connotations or where they come from. We are actually amazingly lucky that so many of us have connotations for a lot of things that match up well enough for us to talk about them. The fact that we can't quite get this one is sad, but not surprising. But I am going to assume that she meant no harm, as she doesn't seem to see how we are offended by it. Not that she refuses permission, she just doesn't see it. Kind of like men and dirty laundry, ladies, you know how they can walk right by a pile and never notice-till they run out of socks.

On the word slut, for what it's worth, I don't want to be called "slut," even in play, (although rather that than tease) but "pain slut" or "orgasm slut," that can turn me on. I never want to be called whore-as a Heinlein character put it, "I didn't know I could charge, till it was too late," or something like that. Didn't know I could make money, then found that, if I wanted it, I wouldn't want to take money, and anyone I didn't want didn't have enough money to get me to do it with them. In my current relationship, if he ever called me his slave, implying to me/us that I had learned enough to earn the title, that he loved me enough to want me as his slave, well, another man would have to tie me down to get sex of any type with me, unless my Master ordered it, and even that would be difficult to do. I don't want another man now, and he hasn't offered that much commitment-or compliment yet. So, as a slave, I could be neither whore nor slut, unless wanting him all the time makes me a slut. No, I still can't figure out her connotations. Sorry, I guess I can't help this discussion, after all.