Ksst's comments reminded me that one person's pain is anothers ecstasy and perhaps the best vanilla example of that is deep tissue massage. If you partner loves a hard massage, THAT's the perfect example to use to explain some of your kinks. Some people just can't abide the pain yet others find it deeply satisfying.

Some think swimming in a cold river or freezing lake on new years day is exciting.

And one man's kink is another man's expectation. Think bikini on an arabian beach. ;^)