A traged indeed and I am sorry you had to go through such a thing.

But brutally honest here. Who was the submissive and who were the Domme during this entire time. You also have to step back and look at the broader picture, can you leave her? She has been dragging you along for years and it is you that always went back. IF you are the Domme then Domme yourself as well in knowing this woman will not change nor cares to since you have been allowing her to take charge of your relationship.

So in essence, you really need to ask yourself. Who is the Domme and who is the top of the relationship. Once that is established, things may clear up, or you may just need to once and for all, tell her good-bye.

I wish you well,
ShdwHawk