My only suggestion would be not to worry about online so much... you could always try a meat market like Collarme.com or Alt.com (if you wanna pay for it)

I always like to tell people that I'm into it after I know I'm really into them... so they know exactly what I'm looking for... if someone doesn't know they are into it, they might not be able to open up about how much they like it. I personally would at least wait until I've kissed the person.

I also like to introduce things slowly, by bringing in toys that one could find in any 'nilla household. for example, fuzzy handcuffs, lil outfits that aren't so RPish. Because I take on the role of a submissive I try not to give any cute back sass until they know I'm going to do their bidding no matter how much I wanna be a smart ass while completing it... (if i gave attitude right away S/He would stop asking me for things and where's the fun in that!)