Is it possible that your husband is basically submissive sexually? If so, there may be a whole lot of unexplored feelings and experiences in his life. This is just idle speculation, so please take this with appropriate quantities of salt. But if you two have not explored this it might be worth looking at. It won't make life any easier, but it might make it possible for each of you to be "see" as you really are. Then role play might become possible.