Thank you VeniViidi, but that's not really what i was looking for.

Together, we are trying to correct my willfulness and controlling nature that has been drilled into me since i was 6. i am OCD and want to control every aspect of my home and life and now have agreed to pass that over to Him. i have made a promise to Him to give it my all but for the life of me am not able to pass the buck. We have been trying to live this lifestyle for more than 3 years and for 24 hours a day for over a year and still i can't seem to change no matter what He tries/does.

So, the torture/punishment must be something that i don't like. i don't like a lot of pain so that is what i came up with (when obviously Master does like to cause it). It's just the amount of pain that i am willing to go through that is to question. i gave a good test to my boundaries on spanking not long ago and found that it's not a good means of punishment for me. i can go far too long although He seems to have rubber fingers. But my pain tolerance seems to be limited to certain areas of my body.

We are also going for more in a type of relationship where i try my hardest to please and punishment is a result of misbehavior but it is also part of a mental conditioning.

i promised Him that i would allow Him to torture me whenever He wanted for however long He wanted. That meant that He could make me do whatever He wanted at any time. If He wanted me to do something and He thought i might be reluctant, He can put me through torture and leave me there until my reluctance disappears. If He wanted to know my secrets, just put me through torture until i'm willing to talk. If i’ve done something that He didn't like, put me through torture for as long as He saw fit to be sure that I have been properly punished and won’t dare do it again. Anytime i give the word, i’ll keep my word. He doesn't have to tie my hands down but He can if He would like to and until He decided to release me. At least until He has broken my willfulness. At least we both have the same goal. LOL

Hope that help you understand what's going on better.

i appreciate your help.

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