Hi Burddom

I'm not 100% clear on what question you are actually asking, but will do my best.

Domming can be hard work as you are discovering - definitely enjoyable especially when you achieve the results you want but a lot of thought and planning is often necessary.

In your position (e.g. with not enough time) I would start by instructing your wife (sub) to write her feelings, needs, wants, desires and wishes down. Get her to investigate where you can find lists of kinks and fill them in (there are lots of examples to be found on the forums here). Then get her to spend her time sorting through what is most important to the two of you at this moment. Please don't let her forget that it is you who will make decisions (unless you want an upside-down D/s relationship!), but if she has done all that work you will have eliminated anything that she would refuse to do.

Hopefully if she has worked hard you won't have to spend too much time looking at the results. Discussion is always extremely important but in my opinion this can reduce the time drain.

As for the discipline part - as skittish doe has pointed out it's important to make sure that discipline is seperate from pleasure.

Another thing I would definitely do if your wife is acting like this is pack the kids off to grandparents or somewhere like that and have a weekend dedicated to your relationship.

Hoping this helps
VV