as an introduction to technique for the beginner I'd recommend "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, they cover everything you know to get started once you've found someone with whom to play.
as to dealing with the desire I've always found the best way to be to act on them, there's no reason why you can't have both a Mistress and a sub as long as you make it clear to both at the start for what it is your looking and both agree.
Something I've found is that My dom and sub sides are in most cases a matter of with whom I'm with, some people bring out My dominance and others my submission so it's not something that causes any conflict or confusion and, being poly, I can explore at either level. Whether that would work for you only you can decide.