Miyu, I can fell your struggle with this, I do have this same question going on in my head. I'm researching both information around the internet and inside myself to see what my heart is reaching out for. I do have a very hard time giving up trust for me its the ultimate double edge sword, one that brings great happiness with a very deep relaxing calm feeling that I can be completely naked and exposed and be safe, the other side being that someone has gotten past my defensive barriers and can break my heart even if they do it unintentionally. I have gotten better with the unintentionally part as you cannot control every action, my wife has helped greatly with that. I don't know if you could be having these same feelings this is just my point of view.

I think if you don't know what road to follow, then any road could be were you need to go. You can always turn around and with that maybe try chipping away armor, if that does not feel natural and progressive after some time, Jump right in does not have to be 100% the first day, maybe give up like 5% more each week so you can adjust, Just make sure its what you personally feel is your right road.