Welcome to the forums ahmandi2

To your question: a subs collar in contrast to a play collar ( which is worn for a session only as an accessory or means for bondage...), is a sign of ownership and usually signifies a commited relationship between a sub and their dominant partner. It is granted to the sub in a collaring ceremony. There are collars that everyone , even vanilla people will recognise as such and there are collars that can be worn everyday and are a sign between the sub and the dominant (could be any item of jewelery, for example, as long as both know what it means). For a slave a collar signifies even more that they are owned. Usually the acceptance of the collar (in a ceremony or privately) is the last decision they make themselves. As the boundaries between the labels for the submissive partner are very much blurred youŽd have to ask each sub/slave how far this ownership goes for them and their partner.
Concerning lists: there are lots and lots of questionnaires on the net that allow the partners to define soft and hard limits, many of which you can find on the library. A pretty extensive one for example , can be found here:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...=questionnaire
this one I like because you can give everything different values .The most important thing though, is still face to face negotiation. the major turn on/offs you usually get to know really fast but you should still establish your hard limits (things you would never want to do) and soft limits (things you are uncomfortable with but would do for your dom or might even like once you know each other better). Also a good idea is to read the same story on the library section and tell each other what you think would be interesting to do for real and what should stay fantasy only..
Consider choosing a safe word early on. The traffic light systemt works pretty good because you can warn your dom that you are close to your limit with a "yellow" and still let him decide how far he wants to go. And a "red" is a never negotiable STOP! Also if you are too far gone to make a full sentence, he can ask you how you are and you only need to say "green" for him to know that everything is fine and he should pleeeease go on. You should only play without safeword as long as no and stop still mean exactly that for both of you. A safeword even without a roleplay of any kind allows you to let go, be playful and express insecurity by saying stop even if you donŽt really mean it, because you know youŽll be safe and need only say the word to stop everything..

So I hope this was not too much at once ;-)
deigja