Are switches confused or is everybody else?

[ashamed_of_myself]

It seems to be the popular consensus switches are confused. Not sure why, would love to know. I certainly don't feel confused. Surely we all have a little of everything in us, its just a case of what the mix is. A lot of subbies here get very dommie at times and seem to greatly enjoy it. Is it a case of switches not being able to make their minds up. For me it's more a case of wanting a full menu to choose from then deciding what I want to eat tonight based on my mood or what the the chef's speciality is. If I had to choose just one particular dish and eat the same thing every time, it would drive me nuts. Variety is the spice of life.

As far as sexual preference is concerned, I definitely prefer females - no ifs, ands, or buts about that one - I am not confused at all on that one. However, when it comes to being a dom or a sub, I think that there are certain (types of) women I would love to dominate and then there are certain (types of) women that I would love to serve. I often do find myself heavily in conflict on that issue.

[Kuve {Sett}]

as someone who's been a switch for over 30 years I would have to say I'm not at all confused, I know what I want and enjoy and I decided quite definitely not to forego half of it. It has always puzzled Me that so many of the same people, gay and straight, dom/me and sub, who claim that their sexual preferences aren't a choice then turn around and say that switch and bisexual people should or must make the choice that they, the speakers, say doesn't have to be made.

[SagaciousDom]

A switch is not confused any more than a bisexual is confused about his or her sexual orientation. A switch merely appreciates and finds meaningful both sides of the power exchange dynamic. They may have a decided preference for one side or the other but genuinely satisfy needs from both exercising and giving up control depending on the circumstances and the specific person they are interacting with.

There are people however that are confused, who think themselves a switch when they are not. I had a submissive who insists she is a switch and I gave her the freedom to explore the dominant role with others but it was clear when we discussed it that she found no real meaning or gratification from exercising dominance over other submissive males or females. In fact it was quite evident that she had difficulty in respecting those she topped simply because they yielded to her.

She has a very forceful and assertive personality and is truly a dominant force in her everyday life. I think she simply confuses that with her lifestyle role which is in my estimation purely submissive. Submissive women quite frequently are dominant in their everyday lives but definitely find meaning and satisfaction of their deepest needs from submitting to someone more dominant within the context of power exchange relationships.

[just_ine]

I would be one of those people who take control without much trouble in my vanilla life and find that I crave the balance submission brings to me.

I have had several opportunities to Top and even Domme. I have been told that I am good at it. Natural.
But it drains me. It saps my energy and creativity. I am experienced enough to know now that it happens and I therefore very, very rarely indulge in that. It sometimes even has a negative influence on my submissive self. (Telling myself: He probably doesn't want to answer your message/email because you drive the right out of Him!)

So, because I CAN and sometimes DO top, does that make me a switch? No.
Why? Because it doesn't add to my life/relationships. It takes away.

For me, in the time of first exploring, the most difficult feedback to accept was being told that I couldn't be a true sub and also Dom.
People in this lifestyle can be the most critical of those around them. Surprising when you consider they themselves are on the fringes of what's considered 'normal'

[SagaciousDom]

Nice post just_ine. I don't think it could be said any better than you have explained it.

S

[slaveboy 6]

When I initially got into the bdsm scene I was strictly a sub, then one day the idea of being a Dom appeared. I was that for a while. Then I did a role play in which I played a sub and a Dom. So became a switch for a while. I experienced what just__ine explained above. Now, I'm back to where I started because it's much easier taking a spanking than giving one.

[ashamed_of_myself]

A switch is not confused any more than a bisexual is confused about his or her sexual orientation. A switch merely appreciates and finds meaningful both sides of the power exchange dynamic. They may have a decided preference for one side or the other but genuinely satisfy needs from both exercising and giving up control depending on the circumstances and the specific person they are interacting with.

There are people however that are confused, who think themselves a switch when they are not. I had a submissive who insists she is a switch and I gave her the freedom to explore the dominant role with others but it was clear when we discussed it that she found no real meaning or gratification from exercising dominance over other submissive males or females. In fact it was quite evident that she had difficulty in respecting those she topped simply because they yielded to her.

She has a very forceful and assertive personality and is truly a dominant force in her everyday life. I think she simply confuses that with her lifestyle role which is in my estimation purely submissive. Submissive women quite frequently are dominant in their everyday lives but definitely find meaning and satisfaction of their deepest needs from submitting to someone more dominant within the context of power exchange relationships.

Thank you very much for your help on the Switch issue!

[Jumphigher]

I find this discussion really interesting. I have been switchy for the last 20 years, and found it was strongly connected to who my partner was. Some I felt dominant toward, some submissive, and for the best of them I feel both, depending on both our moods. But relationships are such complex beasts, and I never much worried about whether I was Dom or sub "enough." One of the things I find exciting about BDSM is each new scene or partner brings its own energy and shifting dynamics to play with. Why drive yourself crazy trying to fit in a particular box (unless, of course, you are into that kind of thing.)