On The Realities of 24/7

[denuseri]

LMAo...nothing says one must be naked or available all the time. People in 24/7 TPE arrangments can both have jobs and familey life etc.

[Ozme52]

I'm all for good BDSM fun but if my partner was naked all the time and available all the time the novelty would wear off.

No doubt about it... the novelty definitely wears off after a few score.

[Jennifer Williams]

As it does in any kind of relationship. If you want something long term, sometimes you just get into a lull. Then you put your heads together to think of spicy ways out of the lull.

Getting new ideas from people I've never met and don't know is probably one of my favorite uses of the internet

[MistressMallory]

I've discovered that only in a matter of weeks (or maybe a little over a month) W/we've already waxed and waned in our interest of how "strong" the BDSM slavery is in our relationship. We still consider ourselves 24/7, because ultimately I am the decision maker and the one with more willpower, etc; but there are definitely times when My depression/anxiety/sleeplessness etc. wear on Me and I just am not willing to smack her around and then use her as a sex toy (no matter how much she wants this). Sometimes I'm able to play it into a game, as in, "this is cum restriction," etc etc, but there are times when I just have to say, "Look, I love you, but I can't do this tonight."

If the relationship is stable and real, the other partner should understand either the Dom/me's or the sub's need to take a break. Surprisingly, for me, the "novelty" of having My Pet in constant mild fear of what I might do to her were she to slip and break a rule is a power-trip, and it never "wears off". But that may be because I'm egotistical and sadistic.

[denuseri]

Nothing at all in the manual says that a 24/7 TPE relationship has to be full of hourly spankings and or various assorted other kinky adventures in wonderland.

[Jennifer Williams]

assorted other kinky adventures in wonderland.

LMAO, that is beautiful.

I always just thought a 24/7 TPE relationship meant the dom exerts some forms of control over the sub's life; how much or how little that is depends/changes on the relationship, and doesn't necessarily have to include sex (though that is quite frequently thrown in there because it is the most fun part).

I think for some people it means you have to live together, though we don't, but there is still 24/7 control going on for us.

Even having sex (or doing something with sex play) once a day can wear you out...

If I'm tired, he gets nothing. I'll be watching my favorite TV shows all night, thank you very much. And then he'll go and rub my feet *sighs with sweetness*. And I do not feel it necessary to explain to him why I'm not in the mood; though I'll make it clear that it isn't because of something he did wrong.

But I have trained him to know better than to argue with me.

[13'sbadkitty]

as a 24/7 couple for us, i have a job as does He. We have kids, friends all the things that make for full lives. W/we have just found ways to make it work with in the framework of needing to eat and grow as individuals, family and a couple. its probably one of those things that are as individual as couples

[cadence]

Because I never had children, and I rarely go out much, I'm always naked at home, not because I have to, but because I am comfortable being naked and I can.

I like sex so yeah, I am always available for that too.

I could just be an old fashioned sub?

[denuseri]

Not at all...I like to be naked when possible and have sex too sis lol...er wait, maby that just makes me old fashioned too, well darn.

[Jennifer Williams]

Naked is fun, certainly, though I have to say I enjoy all the fun ways of getting him naked, too.

Then again, if we lived on our own and I had the option of him never being dressed...excuse me. *goes to find something to satisfy herself with.*

[Marlene38ee]

For the purposes of this essay/rant I am using terms for a male Dom and a female sub. This isn't to offend or to suggest that I think it applies less to a Dom/Domme/Master/Miestress, sub/slave, he/she, but it's a lot easier to type in a single mode than with so many slashies. The essay/rant is addressed to Doms, but I think it's stuff that probably applies for both sides of the D/s equation.

[Rant]

On the Realities of 24/7
a.k.a. - Slow Down There Skippy...Have You Thought Your Cunning Plan All The Way Through?

As Doms most of us have probably thought, at one time or another, of a 24/7 relationship. We have fantasies. We read stories. How perfect would it be to have a succulent little slave girl available all the time at our beck and call, always up for whatever devious sexual or domestic task we might have for her? Nothing could be better right? Well as it turns out yes. That's right. It's pretty damned awesome. That, however, does not mean that real life plays out quite like our fantasies. These are my musings on the realities of a 24/7 relationship and a few things I think any dominant should give some serious thought to before carrying his prize, gagged and bound, into the sunset.

Money:
Are you rich? I don't mean a multi-billionaire, but are you financially well-off? If you're like most people and living either paycheck to paycheck or with a cushion of a few months earnings in case of emergency, can you afford to have a full-time sub who doesn't work? People cost money to maintain after all, otherwise most of us would quit our jobs. You will spend money for clothes, for toys, for food, for countless incidental expenses. If you aren't rich, and you can't afford to take care of another person on your salary, will your sub work? Full time or part time? What kind of job? If your sub works, will the money go into your account or into hers? Will she have an allowance? If your sub works, what effect will a full time job have on her duties as a sub?

If you are holding on to her money, will you place money into a savings account for her? If not, do you want to be responsible for her being destitute if something goes wrong with the relationship? Sure it can seem kind of sexy in fantasy to have someone be completely dependent on you and ruined if you kick her out, but in your heart do you really want to be -that- guy?

Is your sub going to do any of the household shopping? If so, will you give her cash? One (or more) of your credit cards to use? And how will she get there? Well...

Transportation:
Will your sub be allowed to leave the house? Without you? If so, does she have a car? Can you afford to buy and maintain a car for her? Can you afford insurance on the car, and gas for it? If you can't afford a car, are you prepared to be your sub's chauffeur to all her medical appointments, to any cosmetic-related appointments that she may need to make, to the grocery store, to anywhere else she needs to go? Will your employer be understanding when you have to take three or four hours off in the middle of the day to take your sub to a doctor's appointment? Do you want to spend time after work most nights taking your sub to the grocery store or the drug store or wherever?

If your sub isn't allowed to leave the house...well now you have a serious life hiccup. Are there professionals of all the necessary varieties (medical, dental, hair and beauty, etc. etc) who make hosue calls in your neighborhood? Are there grocery stores that deliver? Is it mentally healthy for your sub to be at home all the time?

Health:
If you live in a country without free health care, this is an important topic. Does your sub work a job that gives her good medical insurance? If her job doesn't offer insurance or if she does not work, will you be able to put her on -your- insurance? Have you checked your policy for whether it admits slaves? If you can't get an insurance policy for her, are you prepared to pay out of pocket for checkups, for birth control, for dental cleanings? Never mind paying for fillings in cavities or (you better hope not) a root canal. Never mind paying for the emergency room if your sub slips and breaks her leg, or hits her head on something and needs stitches or hospital care. Even if she does have insurance, are you prepared to pay all the co-pays and deductibles and unpaid portions of medical expenses for a whole extra person? Are you -sure-? This is not something you can get away with skimping on. Even if you don't care about her well being, you don't want her coughing all over your friends and family do you?

Social Life:
Will your sub go out to social events with your friends and family when you go? Your vanilla friends and family? If not, how will you respond to all the questions about that nice young lady who answers to phone at your house? How will you respond to questions about getting a girlfriend or attempts to set you up with someone? If she does, how will you present her? As your sub? As your girlfriend? If the former, will your vanilla friends and family accept that? Are you ready to lose or damage what may be important relationships to you? If the latter, how will this affect your 24/7 relationship? Will your sub be allowed to go out and do things with your female friends or spouses (spice?) of your male friends? How often? Is it mentally healthy for you to keep her from seeing people or having her own friends? This doesn't even consider when other people come to visit you at your house of course...

Domestic Life:
When friends or family knock on your door will your sub be wearing a collar? Will she be naked? How will you present her to visitors? Is your house equipped with a dungeon? If so, is the house large enough (and are your friends and family respectful enough of your privacy) that nobody will ever want to see what's behind -that- door? Are you ready to answer questions about toys that may be left out in the open? Are you ready to answer those questions when your grandmother asks them?

Who is going to cook? Does your sub enjoy cooking? If not, does she even know -how- to cook? Do you want to eat food three times a day prepared by someone who is a bad cook? Do you like to cook? Do you want to cook for two three times a day? If not, can you afford to buy the (more expensive and less healthy) types of prepared or restaurant food that will feed two?

Did you meet your sub online? If so is it safe to say that computers and spending time online are important to your sub? Do you have the resources for an extra computer? What other hobbies does your sub have? How much time will you give her for pursuing these hobbies? Can you afford to support these hobbies? Can you afford, emotionally and health-wise, to -not- support these hobbies?

Do you like to have a drink when you get home? How many? How many drinks can you have before it becomes unwise to attempt a scene with your sub? Are you prepared to back way off for the night if you have had one too many? Are you responsible enough to make that decision? If your sub is worried that you have had one too many to do a safe scene, will you listen to her? Will your domly feelings be bruised that she is telling you what to do?




All of this is just a small sampling of the many, many questions I have asked myself over the last 15 years as I thought about 24/7 relationships. These are things that need to be thought out, up front, by people looking to get involved with a sub on this level. Reality has a way of imposing itself on even the sweetest of fantasies, and while there are certainly ways to handle any and all of these situations, you need a plan. Make sure you think your cunning plan all the way through before you commit to it.

[/Rant]

VERY well-said!
Excellent points and well-spoken/laid-out!
By way of supporting points:

24/7 isn't always easy...Fantasy meets Reality and Reality must make way.
In our home, Brianna and Lhana have day jobs, better than what they had before joining us (and they love them) that Husband found for them that were suited to their talents.
That said, they Insist on paying into the household, but Husband always slides some of that into accounts he established for them, high-interest, that our Lawyer looks after.
I work from home, as I work for Husband and for our own business interests. Also, someone has to keep this place running and the Kittiehz wrangled.
In fairness to The Horde, they're well-mannered, as we raised them to be--but are still Kittiehz.
Husband is away on business often, so that works out quite well.
Medical appointments, either hubby drives us, or if he's away, I take myself and the Fillies via cab.

All-in-all, 24/7 is about adaptation and problem-solving. Being There for each other and making sure Husband never feels that he's simply a 'vehicle' for our needs and such.
Give-and-take.

As we have pets/companion animals, that must be addressed. BDSM from their perspective can be scary, some animals don't care--we err on the side of protecting them and when things are about to pass a certain point where they might get spooked or stressed, they're kept in a spare room set up to be as comfortable as possible for them. They seem to understand, as there's no resentment or such from them ever. There's an observation peephole built into the door, and everytime Husband has checked on them they're either asleep or making full use of the cat toys he makes for them. In short, they're fine with it all.
Now that Eydis is old enough, we can finally return properly to the Lifestyle, and will be this weekend when our new family members move in.

[pinky_subby]

I work abit and my Master retire but he take care of me as well too. everything food clothes and pay bill we enjoy liffstyle when not busy from work.

[OddCupcake]

I pretty much live this lifestyle, with me being the submissive one. I'm disabled (not physically, but due to my neurological issue), so I do have a small income. So I'll address a few of the points brought up.

**Money** - He does make the majority of the money. My money is mostly mine, after I pay my share of the bills which I find fair - though I do tend to ask him when I can spend money (if it's more than $20). I wouldn't be horribly upset if he wanted to control the finances and pay the bills and set me an allowance. In some ways, it might just make things easier and I trust that he would be completely fair about it. We've been together for over ten years and friends for twice that, so we don't think too much about what if we split up. I think both our families would disown us if we did since they love us together.

**Transportation** - I am not allowed legally to drive (see above), so it is not an issue so far since my parents normally don't mind to get me to doctor appointments and he does all the driving other than that. He doesn't work too far from home and probably could take an hour or two off if I absolutely needed something that I could not get delivered. Short of an emergency or without permission, I expected not to leave the apartment.

**Health** - Luckily my disability comes with better insurance than he has, so this isn't an issue. I keep a cell phone on or near me at all times in case of an emergency.

**Social Life** - We have both always been more of homebodies, but mostly share the same circle of friends that neither of us hang out with a lot since the closest one lives a three hour drive away. We were together long before we started down the bdsm lifestyle, so people just know us as a relatively normal couple. If out with friends or family, I just use his first name and vice versa - otherwise, it's Sir or Master for him and Slut/Slave for me.

**Domestic Life** - See above - we present ourselves as a normal couple. We rent a one bedroom apartment, so there's no issue of "what's behind that door?" - we put toys away when we expect company or at least get them out of sight if someone shows up unexpectedly. I am responsible for 90% of the household chores - pretty much everything besides taking out the trash (he feels its easier on him) and he cooks on weekends. We met in RL and neither of us drink or do recreational drugs (unless caffeine counts). I'm not expected to wear the collar if I'm around other people and I rarely am in restraints unless he's home. Around the house, I'm expected to wear just underwear and a shirt - other clothing is only allowed if we have guests or are going out. He reserves the right to choose my clothing when I go out and veto anything I choose unless I can provide an excellent reason.

**Children** - Neither of us want children, so this should never come up.