Respect for your sub/slave

[TomStraye]

How can one not respect a slave? To accept a gift is easy. To give is much harder, and yet mine gave themselves to me freely with nothing held back and continue to give with every breath that they take — 24/7 with no limits beyond my common sense and no way for them to quit with honour. I rule their lives!

I know AG has already heard this but, seven years ago, in pursuit of her dream of total enslavement, my alpha flew a third of the way around the planet to give herself to me sight-unseen. Not only that but we have had an ocean and a continent between us for the last four years.

Hell, alpha is a beautiful young woman, twenty years my junior, and surrounded by people telling her she’s crazy to stick with me. I couldn’t stop her running if I tried. And yet she remains and will remain, if not for love then for honour — as fiercely loyal, dutifully obedient and brave as any samurai.

I do more than respect her. I admire her strength. Anyone who sees nothing to respect in such courage and devotion, doesn’t know the meaning of the word!

And yet, I can see how easy it is to get confused when, by the standards of the vanilla world, what is demanded of a submissive may well indicate the very opposite of respect. I know my puddle suffered that confusion a while back and is, I suspect, having a little relapse right now.

I don’t want to gross anyone out with the details but the fact is, puddle is an emotional masochist and an humiliation-slut. Having quit my service once before, unable to accept kindness … Well, let’s just say that if I was to call it ‘pet’, I think alpha would have to call a doctor to help puddle over the shock of such praise.

But does treating puddle like shit mean that I don’t respect and admire it? Absolutely not! Less than three years ago, puddle was conservative middle America personified. Now, it considers no act of self-effacement too degrading to show its obedience and sincerity. That takes some special kind of determination. How could I not respect that?

What it comes down to, I guess, is that it is all a matter of perspective. No act is inherently degrading. No name is inherently humiliating. It is only our perceptions that make them so.

Change perceptions and suffering to be treated even worse than a dog can become, not a crushing of self-esteem, but a source of real pride — “In obedience, i have done what no ordinary woman would do which makes me not less but more!”

I think puddle gets that. I think, little by little, it has come to see each new humiliation heaped upon it for what it truly is — not something done out of malice to demean it, but a new opportunity offered to shine and take pride in achievement. It’s all in the mind!

[Sir_Russell]

TomStraye,
Well said! not in the specific details of your relationship but in the knowledge that sub/slave go where I couldn't and do that for us Doms willingly takes great strength and a sense of true purpose

[TomStraye]

TomStraye,
Well said! not in the specific details of your relationship but in the knowledge that sub/slave go where I couldn't and do that for us Doms willingly takes great strength and a sense of true purpose

Thank you. Although, for the record, when I first started I did switch for a while just to find out how it felt to be on the recieving end. Call me old-fashioned but I just don't believe in ordering anyone to do what I would not do myself — at least in principle, biology permitting.

Except, I realise now that, while it was possible for me to get some idea of how much things hurt, for example, I can never truly feel things the way a submissive feels them. It's just how our brains are wired, I guess.

But it really pisses me off (when I'm not too busy laughing) to hear people talking about submissives as though they were weak-willed, weak-minded doormats not worth spitting on, much lest respecting.

It's just not true! They just have a different kind of strength and a different kind of will. After all, which takes more strength of character? To stick with what one has always been taught is 'natural' or to accept the need to change and follow the new ways of one's Owner?

I know what I think.

And d'you know what's really odd Neither alpha nor I are Christian but we both have a favourite Book of the Bible — the Book of Ruth.: the story of a woman who gave up all that was dear and natural to her to follow her Master. Odd that the vanilla world sees her a a role-mode to be respected and yet looks down upon slaves who do no less every day of their lives.

Just a thought.

[Joshsass]

ok sorry if i am a tad late. i am going through posts and reading things. i have two quotes that have touched me alot about DS relationships and i wanted to share.

first one is about a Dom male talking about how he feelings in his relationship:

This is the symbol of our relationship: my strong hug to protect her and her devoted submission. All in a nice and rich frame.
The two bodies nearly merge in a single one: dominant and submissive, two specular unequals that match and merge in one balanced entity.


the second is from an unkown author but i thought was good to include.


There are really two kinds of submissives in the world: those who believe they don't deserve any better…and those who believe they don't deserve any less.


So i think what i am basically trying to say at least in my case, we respect one another in ways no one else outside can understand. i hope this made some sense at least.

[TomOfSweden]

How can one not respect a slave?

If let's say hypothetically the Master is an idiot, I could imagine it possible for him not to respect his slave.

[thedominthehat]

I have intense respect for the intelligence, character, and good taste of any woman willing to sleep with me. That goes triple for those who want me to tie them up too.

Seriously, I respect a sub just as I respect any other person I choose to have a relationship with vanilla, platonic, etc.

[drusilla]

Agreed whole-heartedly! Excellent post. Whereas i have not gone through what your pets have, we've all had our own personal stumbling blocks. It's really wonderful that you could put that into words!

[Whippett]

fireandice,

I think you trying to work out the "how" of why your Master respects you as his submissive is a very natural thing to do. I know when I first recognised that I was submissive, I used to wonder about how I could be equal and still be a sub. What I have learnt is that it is that very submissiveness that my Master respects. He knows it is a gift and that it is my choice to give it to him.

Hi Ag and fireandice - it's more than the submissiveness that is respected (at least for me, and I'm sure for many other Dominants as well). My girl has other qualities besides submission - and I respect those greatly - she does some things I could never do...the names I call her - including pet - are terms of endearment (perhaps with different meanings and connotations than in the vanilla world) and respect for all her qualities, though her gift of submission is the greatest of them all.

[DowntownAmber]

I have vowed to be much less wordy, so this is the Reader's Digest condensed version of an Amber post:

When Master calls me His pet, it is because He has acknowledged and accepted me as such at my own offering. My submission to Him is, as so many others have mentioned, a gift. How, I wonder, is it direspectful to accept a gift freely offered?

Perhaps if there are fear or esteem based motivations behind the offering of one's self, then one should be looking inside to find the source of the feelings of disprespect and/or inferiority.

[GreyJack]

As with all human interactions and relationships, we have to begin by respecting everyone as a human being and grant them whatever dignity that implies. On the other hand, the ancient Romans had a concept or principle they called dignitas (you may want to see what Wikipedia has to say at length about this). In the Orient, it's known as "face." It represents the respect you earn by how you act and deal with life and people. People usually chip away at their own dignitas when they act like assholes or jerks, so they lose the respect of social standing. They can also lose respect by acting as if they are "owed" it without doing any "earning."

Generally, subs and slaves (even those into humiliation) still retain their dignity. Yes, a slave can submit fully with dignity, just as a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress can behave and act with a certain humility and responsibility. As many have said before and I repeat, both subs/slaves and Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses often show courage and high personal qualities by the lifestyle they live, perhaps even more integrity and committment than normal (vanilla/whatever that may mean) people in their relationships.

Those who serve us deserve as much respect as they show us. I've been called a "New Age Master" because I don't treat subs or slaves as the old abusive slave owners of the past have done. Yes, they are property, but human property nonetheless, and more deserving of care, affection, respect, and admiration as anyone's most priceless Art. In a way, we become the curator of a treasure when we find that rare good sub or slave. If you wouldn't trash your favorite possession, why would you trash a living, breathing embodiment of what fulfills you?

[jeanne]

If you wouldn't trash your favorite possession, why would you trash a living, breathing embodiment of what fulfills you?

Wow. Well said, GreyJack.

[Whippett]

Those who serve us deserve as much respect as they show us. I've been called a "New Age Master" because I don't treat subs or slaves as the old abusive slave owners of the past have done. Yes, they are property, but human property nonetheless, and more deserving of care, affection, respect, and admiration as anyone's most priceless Art. In a way, we become the curator of a treasure when we find that rare good sub or slave. If you wouldn't trash your favorite possession, why would you trash a living, breathing embodiment of what fulfills you?

Very well put GreyJack. A girl who serves with dignity and love deserves dignity and love in return. She is indeed a priceless jewel, and owning and loving such a treasure is an honour and a joy above any other I have ever experienced. There is a depth and breadth and vividness to such a relationship that makes the rest of the world a mere shadow by comparison. A Dom I respect greatly once stated he'd put himself in extreme harms way for his girl - and I would do no less for mine - her care, her protection and the way she completes me - and I her - deserve no less.

Is it any wonder I love my girl so intensely, when she makes life worth living?

[Whippett]

Those who serve us deserve as much respect as they show us. I've been called a "New Age Master" because I don't treat subs or slaves as the old abusive slave owners of the past have done. Yes, they are property, but human property nonetheless, and more deserving of care, affection, respect, and admiration as anyone's most priceless Art. In a way, we become the curator of a treasure when we find that rare good sub or slave. If you wouldn't trash your favorite possession, why would you trash a living, breathing embodiment of what fulfills you?

Very well put GreyJack. A girl who serves with dignity and love deserves dignity and love in return. She is indeed a priceless jewel, and owning and loving such a treasure is an honour and a joy above any other I have ever experienced. There is a depth and breadth and vividness to such a relationship that makes the rest of the world a mere shadow by comparison. A Dom I respect greatly once stated he'd put himself in extreme harms way for his girl - and I would do no less for mine - her care, her protection and the way she completes me - and I her - deserve no less.

Is it any wonder I love my girl so intensely, when she makes life worth living?

[Whippett]

hmmm - there's something wrong with the board - not sure why it's double posting again - doesn't seem to happen with the quick reply - but does occasionally on the advanced

[ChainsOfGonzo]

I will not let this thread die!!

I was thinking about just this issue earlier, as relates to my Master. My Master focuses me. He is very precise, very sharp and penetrating. I, however, am a never-ending expanse of largely disorganized thought and feeling. I spread out on every side. And when I am with him, I focus, almost to a laser point, as he is. And in that focus, I can truly use my thoughts and abilities to their fullest potential. And when he in the presence of my expansive chaos of thought, he has the creativity to push me to my limits.

We are implosion and explosion, yin and yang, black and white. To create all the possibilities of the universe, you need to have an equilibrium of both extremes.

That is what BDSM and submission mean to me. It is a meeting of two opposite minds, which enhances both.

[MissElizabeth87]

Hmmm...think of it this was. Has a man ever called you (or have you ever called a guy) "baby". or "pumpkin" or any of those gushy, silly names that we all use at times? One doesn't have a lot of respect for a baby or a pumpkin but I bet that if you were ever called that you never though of it that way, right?
I love it more than almost anything when Master called me pet, or little one or even His slut. To me these are terms of endearment and I treasure them.
What tells me that I am respected is the way I am treated and he treats me like the an intelligent equal who has offered my gift of submission; not like a possession that he has casually acquired. If this is the way you are treated, then I say "SHUT UP" little voice inside fireandice's head. *grins*
I hope this helps. "peace" ~blizz~

I really wholeheartedly agree. When I call Wellbehaved my "boy" or my "pet" or any of the other various nicknames he has between the two of us, it's a term of endearment more than anything else. I completely respect him, and our life together. I know that many of our vanilla friends who know some about our lifestyle tend to think that I don't respect him, but... it's just something they cannot understand.

I fully believe Wellbehaved's worth as a person is equal to my worth as a person. Living this lifestyle does not make him worth less to me, just because he submits to me... really, it makes him worth much much more to me. I respect him more than almost any other person I know (barring my parents and grandparents.)

[naomi57 {ukMC}]

I have a question that's been going around in my head for quite awhile now. As a submissive to my Master, I always, always, ALWAYS respect him both as my dominant and as a person. This is fairly easy for me, as I find him to be intelligent, creative, and receptive (all qualities that I greatly admire

I have enough self-respect to be able to realize that I too possess these qualities and I was just wondering how those of you who are dominant in nature respect your submissives/slaves (if you do at all). This is not a biased question-- if you don't, then you don't. I have often heard of a slave being compared to a cherished pet or possession. In comparison-- I love my kitty with all of my heart, but I wouldn't say that I respect him (because he's a kitty and he's on a mental level that is far below me).

My Master tells me that he respects me as his submissive and as an individual, but after turning this over and over in my head, I still have my doubts (which I've voiced to him). He likes to call me his pet, and I like being his pet, but there's this little voice inside my head that says it's demeaning to my character. I would like to make it shut up I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it is possible to submit completely to someone and still retain your sense of self-worth and self-respect.

i have a master who is also my partner and he respects me as his submissive and i respect him as my master and partner

[Chuckdom19]

Originally Posted by fireandice
"I have a question that's been going around in my head for quite awhile now. As a submissive to my Master, I always, always, ALWAYS respect him both as my dominant and as a person. This is fairly easy for me, as I find him to be intelligent, creative, and receptive (all qualities that I greatly admire

I have enough self-respect to be able to realize that I too possess these qualities and I was just wondering how those of you who are dominant in nature respect your submissives/slaves (if you do at all). This is not a biased question-- if you don't, then you don't. I have often heard of a slave being compared to a cherished pet or possession. In comparison-- I love my kitty with all of my heart, but I wouldn't say that I respect him (because he's a kitty and he's on a mental level that is far below me).

My Master tells me that he respects me as his submissive and as an individual, but after turning this over and over in my head, I still have my doubts (which I've voiced to him). He likes to call me his pet, and I like being his pet, but there's this little voice inside my head that says it's demeaning to my character. I would like to make it shut up I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it is possible to submit completely to someone and still retain your sense of self-worth and self-respect."

A submissive MUST have self-worth and self-respect. In a true D/s relationship, the respect must go both ways... and the sub must be able to hold her head up proud of who she is. Submission need not be demeaning, as it is the sub who is in control of a real D/s partnership; she/he always has the ability to withdraw submission, to stand up and say, "HELL, NO!!"

You must realize that inside, and grasp that in the long run, either you *must* have that feeling clear in your mind, or the relationship will never develop as it should, to the depths it should.

I wish you the best in finding that realization, and in developing yourself into all you can be!

[Kuskovian]

As with all human interactions and relationships, we have to begin by respecting everyone as a human being and grant them whatever dignity that implies. On the other hand, the ancient Romans had a concept or principle they called dignitas (you may want to see what Wikipedia has to say at length about this). In the Orient, it's known as "face." It represents the respect you earn by how you act and deal with life and people. People usually chip away at their own dignitas when they act like assholes or jerks, so they lose the respect of social standing. They can also lose respect by acting as if they are "owed" it without doing any "earning."

Generally, subs and slaves (even those into humiliation) still retain their dignity. Yes, a slave can submit fully with dignity, just as a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress can behave and act with a certain humility and responsibility. As many have said before and I repeat, both subs/slaves and Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses often show courage and high personal qualities by the lifestyle they live, perhaps even more integrity and committment than normal (vanilla/whatever that may mean) people in their relationships.

Those who serve us deserve as much respect as they show us. I've been called a "New Age Master" because I don't treat subs or slaves as the old abusive slave owners of the past have done. Yes, they are property, but human property nonetheless, and more deserving of care, affection, respect, and admiration as anyone's most priceless Art. In a way, we become the curator of a treasure when we find that rare good sub or slave. If you wouldn't trash your favorite possession, why would you trash a living, breathing embodiment of what fulfills you?

I couldn't agree with you more.