What am I? Sub? Dom? Wannabe?

[Rowen]

Now here is perhaps a strange questionCos…am in doubt, even more so after reading cg’s thread on being submissive.

The question is simple: am I a submissive – or am I dominant. Or am I stuck in fantasy? The answer I don’t know.

I love to read about girls being dominated, I enjoy the bondage videos, and have enjoyed some online domination…and like thinking out devious punishments and humiliations (as demonstrated in some roleplay and with mistress’slave)
However, in fact I want to give the tied or dominated girl pleasure, reading how she enjoyed it really makes me feel good. Love the make her feel safe in surrender, in heaven while helpless…so how dominant am I really?

Then, somehow I would like to be that girl. Sounds crazy, but can’t help it. Perhaps it is more I want to feel what she feels. I have no transgender desires fantasies whatsoever. And yes, there are the experiences of being tied up by my GF, the submitting to mistress and that was great.
Then there are the fantasies of a strict mistress putting me through my paces…but vids about that don’t turn me on. Not at all…however…mistress dominating, punishing me…big turn on..

I joined the “academy” , and the thought of performing tasks both scares and excites me…but also I notice I would love to asign tasks. in fact did so outside the academy. However, am unexperienced at it.
Also, the one I assigned the task to quickly discovered she was more dominant than submissive…and almost automaticly I offered to help her, offered doing a first task for her if she would join the academy, her being rather insecure. So much for me being dominant…

It felt great to submit to mistress, it really did, and I will never ever be able not to submit to her…not a chance. But I think I really suck (yeah, yeah, not that way) as a submissive…being stubborn, wanting to go my own way, doing things I shouldn’t do (see other question), loving to be indepent….making me impossible for a dominant..would disappoint them time and again.
And yes, am a big, strong indepedent guy, not the "cutie sub" at all...somehow...being a big man makes me feel I simply should be dominant. I know i know, it is sexist...but it is how I feel.

Then again….want to feel safe by the guidance of a domme…love to make her proud of me, please her, prove her I am worth her trust. Feeling so incecure when I can’t ask her, when I don’t get that reassurance I am doing well.

So…I really am confused, don’t know. Am I a wannabe sub? Or a wannabe dom? Both? What do you think, having read my stories, post and experiences so far?