Long distance BDSM relationships

[DemonCandy]

Like I said in my introduction thread, I've recently become involved in my first BDSM relationship with my boyfriend. However, in a number of weeks he has to return to Australia to complete his medical degree.

I'm wondering if any of the members here have tier own long distance experiences and advice they can share

[Whisperz]

hmmm...well, i think it can be easily said that long distance relationships may tend to be a bit more difficult, due to the lack of physical contact...but they can still be very satisfying. i believe it is what you make of it...

i wish you well on this new chapter of your journey. : )

Whisperz

[Liushka]

My fiancé and I are long distance, and have been from starters. It definitely is difficult, but I think that if both are eager and dedicated, it can work. Keltar and I actually only met IRL one year after we got together, but we had talked so much and been in touch almost every single day, that it helped a lot for us to make all work both online and offline.

I know that we enjoy as much spending hours on Skype (webcam or not) or even in written communication (IM, email). There are still way to surprise the other as well with a little attention, including sent through regular mail (even when it takes ages due to a damn ocean *sigh*).

Good luck for making things work with your boyfriend!

[The Librarian]

I have a long distance relationship, but we have decided not to be 'committed." That might sound a bit of a contradiction but some reason it makes sense to us.

[scarlet_85]

I have a long distance relationship, but we have decided not to be 'committed." That might sound a bit of a contradiction but some reason it makes sense to us.

I understand what you're saying and really don't see it as a contradiction.

A very close friend of mine has been in a very committed vanilla long distance relationship for a year now. They finally met each other for the first time in real life last week. Prior to that they spent as much time as possible communicating through IM, FaceBook, the phone, and with web cam. She says now that she's met him and finally got the physical side of the relationship, she feels that she can't go another year without it. She feels they should either move to the same state, have an open relationship, or call it quits.

Personally, I've always struggled greatly with long distance relationships. I have to have that physical part of all of it. To be able to look deep into their eyes and really just feel the love.

As also said above, it is what you make it. If there is communication, compromise, and the ability to follow through with an agreement then anything is possible. As long as its mutual and both parties are happy, then that's all that matters.

Happy playing... whether it be from a thousand miles away or 6 inches away

[Master_Nova]

Like I said in my introduction thread, I've recently become involved in my first BDSM relationship with my boyfriend. However, in a number of weeks he has to return to Australia to complete his medical degree.

I'm wondering if any of the members here have tier own long distance experiences and advice they can share

.i would like tro teach tou lil one If ytou are still Interested

[Flaming_Redhead]

My long-distance experience was unsatisfactory. I dated someone in another state for 4 months. From the beginning, I was honest about the financial burden traveling to him would be in terms of gas, oil changes, etc. He promised to pay for the 2 tanks of gas each time I came to see him and offered to come up now and then himself. In the end, he owed me $300 for gas and only came up once. Having a young child, which I was also up front about, seemed to be a problem for him as my time was limited to every other weekend. He was dissatisfied that I wasn't service oriented, although I told him I wasn't, and didn't clean his 4000 sq. ft. house after my 5-hour drive. This was in spite of the fact that he was semi-retired and had all week to clean it himself whereas our time together was limited.

My advice is don't waste your precious time or resources if his actions in person don't match his words.

[ppr128]

As with any relationship, it will depend upon how much each partner is willing to put into it. If it is worth having, it is worth fighting for... but for things to work out, both partners must be comitted.

[Avispet]

We've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. It has it's difficulties but we make it work. It just depends on the effort you're willing to put into it.

[scarlet_85]

We've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. It has it's difficulties but we make it work. It just depends on the effort you're willing to put into it.

I think that applies to any relationship regardless of situation. My theory is that you can take two complete strangers and put them in a relationship. As long as the effort is put forth, you can make it work.

[fetishdj]

A few things to try:

- Make sure that every possible form of communication is used. Not just e-mail, not just skype, not just messenger, not just letters but EVERYTHING. In order to ensure that the sub (you) feels completely under control there needs to be nowhere she/he can hide. This means that at any moment they could potentially expect a text message, an e-mail, a phone call or whatever. Trust me, this sensation of having every communication method possible available to your Dom/me is quite powerful and almost (but not quite) replaces their actual presence.

- Added to the above. Factor in r/l stuff whenever you can afford it (yeah, I know, Australia... its a bit of a hike...). You will need the hope of occasional r/l meets to sustain you (even if it is only once a year).

- Make a set of rules for communication and behaviour which you have to stick to. Discuss what is suitable for you but it should include a particular time of day when you have to be online/on the phone to talk to him or something similar that suits both your schedules (yeah, I know, Australia, time zones are a pain in the arse...). You can also add in rules about things like Yahoo messenger/MSN (one online Mistress I knew had a rule that if one of her subs saw her online they had to immediately greet her with Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening Mistress) and e-mail (must reply to an e-mail within a certain time, for example). These rules may seem a little silly and petty at times but they do help because, again, you know when you will be speaking to your Master and this can be reassuring.

- Look into tasks that are appropriate to be done online. There are some in the tasking society here and there are whole forums full of ideas out there in the big wide internet. Often these are writing tasks but there are also physical tasks out there. There are a lot of self bondage sites out there but I would be careful with them - some of the activities are unsafe so if you go down this route make sure you (or your Master) checks the methods carefully and makes a valued judgement as to the safety. Many online tasks involve taking photos or video or audio to demonstrate completion of the task so make sure you have a decent digicam, a webcam and a videocamera avaiable.

[Cold Harbor]

Being in a new, long distance relationship I really appreciate the advice you've all given. My sub and I had a very long and fulfilling discussion tonight that has helped us to "reset" what had become a very frustrating situation for me. You all are helpful in ways you don't even realize.

[scarlet_85]

Being in a new, long distance relationship I really appreciate the advice you've all given. My sub and I had a very long and fulfilling discussion tonight that has helped us to "reset" what had become a very frustrating situation for me. You all are helpful in ways you don't even realize.

I'm glad you have found a "support group" as I call it I love this site!

[amina70]

i am in a long distance relationship...i live here in Sweden and my Master lives for the moment in Middle East(Jordan).... Before He lived in New York. We have not met yet.

[Ownedfyre (mm1)]

I am currently in a long distance relationship as well and I am very happy with the way it works. I am pretty independent and I enjoy living my life my way here AND having my other life with Him. Of course, we plan to see each other in real life, very soon, in fact. But until then, I am a very busy girl with tasks to complete and always being kept on my toes by Him. He is in my thoughts every day and I know I am with Him as well. We spent months getting to know each other before really deciding to commit to each other as Master and slave, and it is always a learning process. I am forever grateful that He stuck with me and was patient, even when I thought I just could not make it work. His persistence was very admirable indeed. lol And now I am happily Owned.

I hope everything works out well for you both. There is surely a lot of support and guidance available to you here anytime you need it!

~fyre~

[amina70]

my Master is in my thoughts every day too...And He is also very patient since He knows i am new to this and have never lived a bdsm life before...Never been chained,whipped,flogged,caned,caged etc etc...Off course we have had some sessions online and he has punished me too, but....whipping myself is not the same as if He does it since He would do it much harder and i probably would be chained up also....Same as chaining myself....i think it is a special and better feeling if the Master does it than if i do it myself.....i have known Him since January...Belonged to Him since February and proud of that....But i am not collared yet since we haven't met....i am grateful that He is patient with me but He doesn't give me so much tasks though...One of my kids lives with me and He really likes her.Makes my heart warm...

[Dog's Lady]

I have a LDR, too, and one thing I did soon after it started was call the phone company. I don't know how it works in Ireland, as I am in the U. S. and so is my partner, but I was able to get unlimited long distance on my land line phone for about US$50 a month. After I got the phone bill for our first month apart, to the tune of US$400, I found this was a lifesaver. I also made his numbers "favorites" on my cell phone, which lets me have unlimited calling with him, on top of my regular minutes. Again, not sure how it is in Ireland, but nobody needs money stress on top of being separated from the one they love.
Best of luck to you both.

[~faerie~]

i was in a long distance relationship for almost four years. we kept in tough by phone, chat, and email. we ended up getting the same cell carrier with unlimited talk plans.
it was hard work to keep it going at firsdt, but very very rewarding. He was in my thoughts always. luckily we were able to see eachother 3 or 4 times a year for almost a week at a time. Good communication is key. anticipation is maddening. but in the end it was all worth it. Good luck you.