I understand ur confusion cupcake. I was in two very long, very abusive relationships. You will never get over it completely, but you will get better, i promise...just as long as you focus on getting better. I strongly
encourage counseling, as this will speed up ur recovery and help you to focus on the positives in ur life.

It took me half of my life to realize that being submissive does not mean being abused:

"You are no one's slave, dog, slut, or sub until you give them that right. Only you can give it. No one can take or assume it without your permission." --Jack Rinella

best wishes dear
kitty