In the case of her needing attention, the best way is to be proactive yourself. I learned this after many years of doing it the hard way- ie. ignoring something until it got really annoying. It works for anyone, not just wives. I'd agree with the above advice on this. So when you know she might need attention because you have been busy, catch her doing something right- when she's making dinner, or working, brings you something, or just anything except poking at you to get your attention. At that point do something quick that she likes. Since I don't know her, I don't know what that would be- something you could whisper in her ear, or a quick touch that she likes. You'll have to come up with that part.

An example from my own life- I adore flogging etc. So one day he says to me "Hey, my bathroom is looking really good today- good job- I'm going to beat the shit out of you later for that". See that might not work for every woman but it was hugely motivating for me. Just pick something she likes. And make sure you follow through on threats as well as promises. I can't tell you how important that is.