Oh yes. I awaken almost daily wishing that i HAD NOT woken up. that is how seriously i take brraking my vows Nd how little i think of myself for doing so. One of these days it will right itself. Or i shall right it. Hearts will break. And i know that its ALL ON ME. thusl, fixing it may not make others happy, it may be devastating, but please.......do not question my awareness that what i am doing breaks so many moral and personal codes that there is no way, really, for a happy ending. Not for me. Others will eventually be ok.
Thats how serioys it is, to me.