Choosing a Master/Mistress: Lessons from a Pet Mistress

[Ruby]

Hi Everyone,

Found this article and got permission from the author to post it here. Over the last few months, I have had some very interesting conversations with subs about how they've been/are treated and things they wish to avoid in the future. PetTeacher, a female dominant, nicely sums up these things.

As in everything, listen to your gut.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

If it doesn't feel right, will put you in unacceptable danger or goes against your moral code, you'll sleep better at night if you skip doing the activity.

With that preface, it is my pleasure to present to you...

Lessons from a Pet Mistress

Greetings all you lovely pets. I hope you are all in the progress of finding great homes with a Mistress and/or Master that will take care of you. The reason I am writing you is that I am sadden by multiple events that have transpired over the last few months. As a sincere pet trainer, I would like to teach you a few lessons concerning how to choose a reputable Mistress/Master. Raise the gold standard for what you expect.

Always choose a Mistress/Master who follows the basic protocol. The basic protocol consists of safe, sane, consensual, and non-exploitive BDSM play. Anything less than following these universal guidelines is careless & mindless. Mistress/Master's who break those protocols often are the ones who break the submissive spirit of subs and they leave the lifestyle. That is NOT domination.

The ability of a female to be/behave/or do the following as listed below does not make the female a Mistress, more like a nuances to the rest of us. It may just mean she is just a brat that is struggling with adulthood or it could very well mean she has top's disease. So how do you know how to identify this type of person? Read below. These concepts apply to masters as well:

Demanding in and of its' self,

Just because she is demanding does not make her a Domme. It may just mean she is a bitch with the lack of insight of herself and others. Make a note: slapping the title mistress/dom/master on your name does not make it true. There is an ART to being in power and that power does have responsibilities. Your Mistress should be a responsible individual, not a bully.

If your Mistress wants you to fix all her little and big problems, chances are she can not stand on her own two feet. This type of person has read too many children stories of the prince who comes and saves her and fixes all of her problems and they end up living happily ever after. By being this needy, who is really the sub? Who is really in power and holds the trump card? Ponder that idea for awhile.

She demands money and gifts,

My ideas on this piggy back the concepts I just went over. Don't get me wrong, sometimes this area of BDSM play can be fun and proper. However, I have seen this area used to exploit subs. When someone really needs and wants money and gifts, they most likely need you more than you need them. This explains why the Mistress gets so upset when she does not get it.

Both parties can easily start the process of falling into a bad trap when there are exchanges such as this. Is this type of person more interested in you or more interested in seeing how much funds they can shake out of you over time? Now ask yourself this: if the Mistress wants you to be capable and confident, should she not also be? Should she be less capable and less confident? If she is going to lead you, I sure the hell hope she is both capable and confident.

Throws temper tantrums,

Lacks of self control by throwing a fit are characteristic of a young child who lacks discipline in themselves. If they can not control themselves, then how the hell do you expect them to control and train you??????? Someone who throws a fit is not a woman and most defiantly not a lady or Femdom.

Curses out a sub,

Real life example: If the sub did not know how to operate her dishwasher and the uneducated mistress curses him out would be a great example. Doing this surely DOES NOT represent her superiority over the sub. May mean she has a limited vocabulary, but why would she advertise that?

Threaten a sub via e-mail,

When one does something of this nature, they are demonstrating mindless act. You may see that she makes mindless accusations, demands, and threats. These are not qualities of a fem Dom. They are characteristics of someone abusing their power. Don’t dignify the person with a response. If you do, you are only giving them the attention they are working to get from you.

Attack the subs religious choices/views,

Clearly someone who does not respect the person's (subs) views in this area is not going to respect the person's views in any other area. YES, as a sub you should be respected.

Take photographs of a sub without the subs knowledge or permission,

It is a universal rule of those in power in BDSM to NOT take photographs unless the sub has consented. There is nothing safe, sane, consensual, or non-exploitive about this act. This includes shots without the face showing. When someone does this they clearly [crystal clear] have deficiencies in their cognitive capabilities to discern this is wrong. The Mistress puts you at risk when she does this. Their lack of insight as to why this is wrong... speaks volumes.

Attempts to force a sub into activities they have clearly listed/said are limits,

One should ask if she "is really a Mistress or just a bully". Again, there is a difference between the two

Rudely reject gifts, rudely demands gifts,

Real life example: This female actually threw donuts in the subs face he brought to her as a gift. I have this funny cartoon image in my head when I think of the pseudo mistress who has just lost her mind. I'm sure she may think she has proved something and she has, just not what she wanted to.

Believe me the list can go on and on... And often does until someone says "No, this is not proper or acceptable behavior and you are not worthy of me being your pet".

Behaviors such as the above are not redeeming qualities that represent the legitimate Femdom or Master population. It is up to everyone to raise the bar for expectations. If the female/male does not meet the bar, then don’t insult others like myself by calling the unworthy people your Mistress/Master.

© 2005 All Rights Reserved PetTeacher
Posted by permission.

Comments, suggestions, & discussion are expected and welcome.

[bearbeast]

for the information, it ticked alot of points in my own head and I'm glad to say my Mistress get's full marks she behaves very well towards me, I'm such a lucky bearbeast.

take care everyone
have a good day/night
bearbeast

[charlestudor]

am fairly new and been looking for something succinct like this for a long time. you have done all of us a great service.

[slavecat]

what a great article! thanks for sharing it!

[tabuk]

I agree a very good article.

I particularly liked the bit about the dish washer. If a Dom cant teach their pet/slave in how to use a dish washer they own then are they up to teaching them anything else?

Some very good points are made and I have often seen many examples of the above mentioned points. Made me giggle a few times and I'm glad to say that I'm looked after very well.

Thanky very much Ruby

[Caitlin]

Ruby,

Where do you find the time to…
Be a wife,
A mother
A pet
A mistress
An author
A working professional ( and not a pro )
Be a contributing member for 2 forums
Be the unofficial madam of the photos thread
Write for Chucks thread,
And…..find handy and informative works like the one you posted.
(and I know I haven’t covered everything you do either)
How do you do it?

[Masters_lilone]

i consider my self lucky because i am owned by a sweet and caring Master and haven't experienced any of the things that Pet Teacher spoke of but in another relationship i was in before i met Master Paul almost broke my spirit and made me leave the lifestyle. the Dom i was with at that time turned out to be a real jerkoff he was playing the part of a Gorean Master but i didn't realise at the time he was just a wannabe and i was ready to give up everything and become his real life slave needless to say he was cheating on me with another girl on line that really hurt me sooo much the only thing that kept me from leaving the lifestyle was the fact that Master Paul told me that he was falling for me big time and at the time i was falling for him big time too soi stuck it out and stayed in the lifestyle and i am glad i did.:-)

thank you for sharing this with us Ma'am

[Sam'sJasmine]

Ruby,
Such wonderful insight. Thank you for posting it.
Jasmine

[Ruby]

Ruby,
How do you do it?

Caitlin, considering I just saw this, I think I'm behind in some of those activites. :-) Thank you for the compliments.

This article really called to me and I was so pleased that the author let me post it.

Masters_lilone, thank you so much for sharing that story.

Jasmine, thank you.

If anyone has any other articles on this topic that they have permission to post or links they want to add, please do so either here or in a new thread.