I know this has been discussed over and over again, but before the overripe tomatoes start flying...

What I'm looking for here is traits that a dom absolutely MUST have before he even counts as a dom in your eyes, not an abuser or pretender. Not traits of a perfect or even good dom, but rather traits that any dom absolutely cannot lack, in your opinion.

This is because there have been a few times when I began doubting my D/s relationship because there are discrepancies between what we do and what we are 'supposed' to do. And also because... well, noone is perfect. We (as subbies) would all wish our doms to possess all the 101 traits of a good dom, such as always being in control of himself, always understanding us 100%, always communicating clearly and always there for us, etc. But noone is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and there are things we must tolerate in every relationship. What should we tolerate, and what should we not?

Anyhow, I'll start off with my list:

1. For the domination to even be meaningful, it must be something he wants to do, for his own sexual and mental satisfaction. Not something that he does because he is angry at me, or for revenge, or because he thinks that is his innate right over me without any input on my part. And yet also not something that he does because I want him to, for MY pleasure. He has to be someone who genuinely enjoys controlling and dominating, but would restrain himself unless consent was given.

2. He must be honest -- I'm sure this speaks for itself.

3. He must care about my physical, mental, and social well-being over any task or play. This includes not breaching hard limits.

At the moment, these are the only things I could think of that would ruin my D/s relationship utterly should they be found lacking even slightly, or even only once. How about the rest of you?

Sorry if I'm rambling, I do find it rather hard to express myself sometimes.