Dance, yama

i am writing this to clarify my situation, so that if it is not obvious, i may refer to this page, without telling it again.

i am a working girl, i will be 22 in July. More than a year ago i met a young colleague, Lila, who is two years older than me. We became close friends very soon, and she is still my best friend whom i love dearly. We had long, intimate talks. She was the first person i revealed my masochist fantasies to. To my great surprise she confessed that she, in turn, had sadictic fantasies. This talk ended with my getting topless and she whipping my back and breasts with the strap of her bag. Our relationship are continuing on this line. We are the best friends, not "mistress" and "slave", but she tortures and humilates me and i kiss her feet and her whip. She could afford to buy an excellent single tail whip and a ball gag which is necessary when i am wailing too aloud. We both love it. She doesn't control my whole life, only my masochistic side, and we both are free to make other acquaintances and relationships, even if i don't do that seriously. She did it more seriously, but it doesn't altered our relationship, which has developed a sexual side, too. Lila, first, is a wonderful friend; second, she is my dominant; third, we are lovers. i never had any lesbian relationship except her.

When i entered the Library, Lila, who doesn't speak any English and hasn't a computer, learned from me what was happening. Of course i always reported to her everything. I had online aquaintances with whom i endured online punishment, i mean online chats when my
partner gave me little tortures and i executed them on myself. For example, i gave slaps to
myself or put clamps on my nipples when i was told so. For a while it went well . Lila isn't
jealous at all and she always told me just to go out and play to my pleasure. But things
started happen wich made me think. I got a punishment which i was unable to execute on
myself. Then i was pulled in an anal play which gave me stark horror. Anal area was always
excluded from our plays with Lila. Now i have found that i had such an aversion from my own
body that it couldn't be called normal. i went to Lila sobbing, and she said she was ready
to help me with my psychological problems, but i had to stop online plays. She didn't mean
fantasy plays, when the punishments are not really executed only imagined by both partners,
but she didn't allowed me any real play. And things stood this way till now.

Something happened then. During a forced absence i forgot my Library password and even the email address i used. So when i got a computer again i registered again, with the handle "yamah" instead of "yama". I confessed my supidity and i declared myself being ready to accept any punishment for it. And i got punished really, even if it was a game. I slapped my face and later i beat my ass with a wet belt. These punishments were really executed by me. i thought i was obliged to do so, because i caused trouble and plus work - until i got back my former identity.

But it meant disobeying Lila. i thought it was justified because it was a special case. But she didn't like it. I will get punished by her for my disobedience. That i don't mind at all, i deserve it and i love my punishments. But i won't disobey Lila again. i will follow her ruling. This means not to going in real plays again - till she gives her consent.

So, if You are interested in me (which is a great honor, of course), please consider my situation. i don't seek real life relationships, i won't reveal my identity, and i won't enter online plays where punishments are physically executed. What remains? Online plays in chat where we both imagine happenings. For example, You whip my breasts and i am moaning, or You spit on the ground and make me lick it up. You will find me humble and obedient.