Where have the good Doms gone?
Looking for a good Dom? Have not been able to find one yet and keep seeing others get collared? Let's take a look at why that may be. So let's get started. (Thanks to Gloria Brame in part for this)
Stand in front of a mirror and take a look at yourself. Can you look yourself straight in the eye and say that you are happy with who you are? If the person in the mirror was someone else, would they be someone you would be proud to call your friend, or someone you would avoid? If you were dominant, is the person in the mirror someone who has the maturity, self assurance, willingness and ability to provide you with the type of service and submission you desire, or are they so needy that they require constant reassurance, direction and correction?
Now step back, strip off anything you have on and take another look at yourself. Take a good look.
Are you pleased, or at least satisfied, with your appearance? Are you comfortable enough with the controllable features of your appearance that you could present yourself, naked, unembarrassed, to a Dom? There is no reason to be a Bo Derek or Charles Atlas. Most experienced Doms are more interested in the mental than the physical. But, you owe it to yourself if to no one else, to maintain your physical condition at a level where you are comfortable with yourself.
Let's look a little closer. Do you present a neat, well- groomed appearance or do you look disheveled or sloppy? How about your pubes and body hair? Is your body hair the type that adds interest, dimension or form to your body? Are you shaved or trimmed, present a better appearance? Are your pubics hiding or obstructing your assets from full view or do they help show them off?
All right. You've admired yourself in that mirror long enough. Everything good so far?--or did you find a few areas that may need a little work? Part of a submissive's job is to make their Dominant look good. Making sure you present yourself in the best fashion by looking your best is just as important as efficiently performing the duties of your service. If you look a mess, how does that reflect on your Dom? Not very well.
If you're not in service but are looking to be, what image of your service are you projecting to any potential Dominant if your personal appearance is sloppy? If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of Them?
That's the outer you. Now let's talk about the inner you.
Being a submissive in a BDSM relationship is not the way to resolve self esteem issues, and more importantly, it is not a way to avoid facing them. Knowledgeable Dominants do not want submissives who are doormats or who consider themselves worthless. They want someone who can stay three steps ahead of Them, knowing what They need and having it ready for Them before They even realize They need it. In other words, someone with intelligence, and the ability to use that intelligence, requiring only minimal direction. A caring, loving, devoted partner, who takes pleasure and pride in knowing Their needs and how to fulfill them.
You can't do that if you have issues concerning your own self-worth. Your Dominant may be able to provide valuable assistance in your efforts to overcome a low self-image, but you have to be the one who wants to make it happen. No one else, including the most skilled Dominant known to man, can do it for you or give you the incentive to start doing it for yourself. You need to feel good about yourself, confident in your abilities and comfortable with the person you are before you try giving yourself in service to another.
Once you're at a point where you feel good about both your inner and outer self, ready to renew your search for that for that special person to serve, it's time to take a look at how you are presenting yourself in public.
How do you act while in the chat room? Are you courteous and well mannered? Do you know the proper protocols and rules for the chat room?
If you don't know, find out.
There are a variety of posts available that discuss expected submissive behavior, and there are a number of members here who know traditionally
what is expected or appropriate, try asking them.
But here are some basic guidelines.
Demeanor? Did you act in a way that would cause you to be viewed unfavorably or that caused embarrassment? If you had been with a Dominant would it have caused embarrassment for Him? Were you loud and obnoxious in the chat room? Did you try to be the center of attention? Do you obviously cruise anyone you perceive may possibly be a Dominant, Dom wannabee, and try to seduce them or get yourself involved in some private chat for a quickie?
If someone was to observe you over the course of an evening, would they get the impression that your main interest is just getting your want of play or sex filled? Would they get that impression because you're the kind that behaves appropriately, respectfully approaches a perceived Dominant and waiting to be recognized? Are you pouring out a flood of "yes Sirs" and "no Sirs" while laying on sugary thick, a childish little girl or boy act complete with the cutest, shy little smile you can muster, until you think you have Him appropriately impressed to the point where you can inquire about the possibility of play or just sex? If that one refuses, do you immediately run off to the next Dom, continuing that pattern until you finally get one to say yes?
Have you answered yes to most of these questions but are still wondering why you can't find a good Dominant?
Being a submissive for play or sex is one thing. They are a dime a dozen. Since getting their needs satisfied is their main objective, anyone who can provide any portion of that need, however minute or superficial, will do, if that's all that is available. Whether or not they play with a knowledgeable, respected Dominant, whose involvement in the BDSM community is a lifestyle choice which influences every aspect of His life, is not their most important consideration when choosing a play partner. He's a top, has a dick, is available, he'll do.
Since those kind always seem to find someone to play with, it can give the impression that they must be some sort of great submissive in high demand. It can be frustrating, seeing them time after time, hooking up with what looks like a multitude of Doms, while time after time, you log off after only being approached by the obnoxious Dom who kept making unwelcome attempts all night.
What you didn't notice is that a couple Doms did find some interesting subs that night. They were the ones you may not have noticed. Not necessarily the best, but they didn't try to pretend they were something they were not. They were not interested in merely settling for whatever play they could get, especially if it meant just having sex with someone who calls themselves a Dominant they politely declined the advances of the wannabees.
They would have been the ones standing off to the side of the room, posture erect, hands behind their back. Their stance indicated the confidence and pride attained from the level of service they knew they were able to provide. They would have waited patiently, carefully watching, hoping a Dom might indicate interest and permission given to be approached. By their appearance and behavior, they showed themselves to be experienced, knowledgeable submissives. That's what got them noticed. That's what attracts experienced, knowledgeable Dominants.
Where are all the good Dominants? They're off with the good submissives. Don't rush right in feeling if you don't have a Dom you are not a good sub. It could be you if you take the time to learn just exactly what it means, and how to present yourself you will fins yourself getting noticed by a good Dom.
GF
