Looking for suggestions with my new sub

First of all, I love the forum and that's why I registered. I have long fantasized about the BDSM lifestyle and just never met a girl who was into it...until now! I'm no kid. I'm 44 years old, in very good shape and divorced for 10 years. I bartend part time and over the years have had the opportunity for lots and lots of sex. I have a girl who has been my very best friend for the last several years. There was never any sexual tension between us because she was married. Messing with married people is something I don't do and neither does she. It was a very comfortable relationship and we talked about everything. She was always the first call I made after getting laid. As luck would have it, she left her husband in February and we immediately started seeing each other. We have had sex almost everyday since. I was worried at first because she is much younger than I (30) and has only had 2 sex partners her entire life. After the first 2 months I almost talked to someone about it wondering how I could explain to her that "sex" is a verb! In otherwords...DO SOMETHING! She has an insatiable appetite, but didn't do a lot to participate. Well all of a sudden I guess she felt comfortable with our new relationship and started suggesting being tied up. I was ecstatic! She even had me install I-bolts in the walls next to my bed to anchor ropes/cuffs. Anyway, we have every other weekend free (no kids) when she can stay over and we can stay in bed all weekend. That's coming up next weekend and we are planning our first "session". She seems as excited about it as I am. I went to the store yesterday to restock my "fun drawer". I got an extra set of cuffs, a large dildoe, a new vibrator, some rope, a blindfold and a cock ring.

My request is for suggestions about how to handle this. I don't want to push too far and scare her, especially the first time. I want this to be a long term ongoing situation. I particularly would like to introduce her to anal sex. So far she doesn't seem to thrilled with the idea, but she also really likes it when I let my tongue wander when I'm licking her. We often "69" with each other and I have always let her handle the cock sucking at her own pace. I guess because of my excitement over our newly found "common interest", the other night I started thrusting in and out of her mouth. Basically "forcefully face fucking" her which is something I have always fantasized about. To my surprise, it really turned her on and she came that much faster and harder.

So there ya have it gang! The girl is petite, beautiful and I love her dearly. I want our first session to be a very special occassion but it's all new to me. Can those of you with more experience offer any suggestions? If it helps, she is very "into" penetration and can cum quite enthusiastically from vaginal sex. I've met many girls who don't. Also, she has very tiny breasts but sensitive nipple and reacts nicely when I pinch them.

I have been involved in the internet since they invented the damn thing so I know there are a lot of players and bullshitters out there. I can assure all of you, I find this forum very enlightening and this is a 100% legitimate post.

Hope to hear from both doms and subs alike.

MrJerseyGuy

Nice post and I hope I will not be the only one to respond. You are quite right to want to take it easy at the beginning. One thing I did not get totally clear from your post is how much experience in BDSM do you have?

Any way, my suggestion would be to start with some sensory play. If you tie her on her back on the bed, in a fashion that you can eventually pull her over the edge of the bed, so her head can fall down – you will have her spread open for what ever you might want to do.

I would start by blindfolding her and than gently tickling her all over with different things: feather, paint-brush or big make-up brush, cotton ball, gently scrape her with fork (emphasis on GENTLY), run vibrator all over her body, ice cube will be cold at first than produce burning sensation if you keep it at one spot for a long time, water that melts will tickle as it runs down the body, I love candle play – but careful if you have no experience (DO NOT use colored candles, or natural bee wax candles, and make sure you hold it far enough from the body so that dripping wax cools sufficiently before hitting the skin. Another word of caution with wax – it tends to splatter and it is hard to get out of fabric – do not use the best set of sheets if you planning playing with wax ;) )

You can keep on this for hour – just make sure you are surprising her and modifying stimulation or she is going to go to sleep! When you make her hot and panting you start playing with her nipples and pussy. When she is lubricated start introducing things into her pussy – dildo is good, but different size bottles or beer can, can be fun too (provided it is properly cleaned!). As she gets really hot, pull her so her head is hanging and rape her mouth (from your post seems she likes that). The position you will have her in, will allow for real deep throating, and if he is high enough that will help relaxing the throat muscles. Another tip (I’m full of it today hehe) pay attention to where your balls are or you going to cut off her air supply.

Well – there are some of my suggestions. Hope you have nice weekend!

An enthusiastic partner, two in-love folks, good suggestions from redEva. But lad, me thinks her desires initiating the play is indicitive that she is not uninitiated to BDSM. Certainly not calling her a liar nor you gullible. My experience has been that such suggestions do not come out of the blue unless one has sampled such delights. I offer this only in that as communication is essential--don't look a gift horse in the mouth but by adding some "interrogation" to red's play (wanting SO bad to participate in this happy twosome aren't you sweetie?) you may find little will scare her.

You're a lucky fellow--enjoy welcome to Jinn's Wunderforum and keep us posted.
Cheers,
Boxer

This is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for and thanks to redEva for the lengthy response. I have minimal "real" experience but have been fascinated with the concept and reading about it for years...waiting to find the right partner, I guess. I'm glad to see I was on the right track because I am already planning a long sensory experience...coming close to the pussy but never touching it and using the vibrator on her (she says she's never had that) while teasing her nipples with ice cubes and pinching. She also gets very excited by deep kissing...I can tell that the underside of her tongue makes her very hot.

We were together last night and although I want to save our first "session" until we have our whole weekend free (next week) I got even more forceful with the "face fucking" and was pleasantly surprised when she pulled me on top of her in the 69 position so I could go deeper and harder. It didn't seem to phase her at all...just turned her on more.

As for the second post (sorry I can't see the name right now as I'm typing this), I agree that she has some experience. I just think it's one of those things where she had a taste and wants more.

As I said, we were close friends for several years and she knows every aspect of my sexual history. She told me early on that she was intimidated about sleeping with me in the beginning because her experience is so limited. And I know for a fact that she has only ever had two lovers. I just think that she was comfortable approaching me about this because I told her a few weeks ago that I wanted to know what else I could do to please her and that there was no suggestion she could make that would surprise or offend me.

Hopefully after we get a little experience under our belts I can get her to join the forum. Last night she was even checking out the distance between the I-bolts that I have installed in the walls next to the bed to make sure they weren't too far apart. I guess I'm going to be going through the next week of work with a raging hardon. I just can't wait.

Please keep the feedback coming.

The name's Boxer mate, Bruce Boxer. Regarding he3r checking the distance between I-bolts, I rest my case--she knows what she's doing and what she wants. Party on.

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Originally posted by MrJerseyGuy

As for the second post (sorry I can't see the name right now as I'm typing this), (Snip) Last night she was even checking out the distance between the I-bolts that I have installed in the walls next to the bed to make sure they weren't too far apart.

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She definately knows what she wants...I just think she's shy about telling me. But a little at a time I will find the limits.

Thanks again for the feedback. This forum is awesome

I have let it be known over the past week or two that I like a very clean shaven pussy. She was well groomed before, but showed up last nite with her cunt totally bald. Made it that much better...and gave me yet another sign of a willing sub

Long AP article today on lack of pubic hair being indicative of cleanliness, i.e., no parasites. I like 'em bald myself but seldome say no to those who choose not to shave.

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Originally posted by MrJerseyGuy
I have let it be known over the past week or two that I like a very clean shaven pussy. She was well groomed before, but showed up last nite with her cunt totally bald. Made it that much better...and gave me yet another sign of a willing sub

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Quote:

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Originally posted by MrJerseyGuy
I have let it be known over the past week or two that I like a very clean shaven pussy. She was well groomed before, but showed up last nite with her cunt totally bald. Made it that much better...and gave me yet another sign of a willing sub

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Personally I think you missed a nice treat for you both.....Instead of hinting around why didnt *you* shave her. Just put a towel under her before you tie her down. :)

Well the nice thing about shaving is it will need repeating......

A practical tip: if she is reluctant to say what she wants, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are going to do to her......

NICE...very nice!

We see each other everyday and talk on the phone 10 times a day when we're apart. I think that's a good idea, I mean asking her what she expects, but at the same time I don't want to "over analyze" ahead of time. I think that would take some of the fun out of it. I thought it might be best to ask after the first experience...like "Was I to rough?" or "Would you have liked it to be more forceful?" and "How did you feel when I did this?" etc. I think part of the thrill for her will be not knowing what I am going to do. I know she loves me, but there is still the thing about being totally bound and helpless that has to leave a question in her mind.

My goal is to make it the most erotic experience and the most powerful orgasm of her life.

I was thinking that after she is tied and blindfolded and somewhat aroused...that I should quietly talk to her and explain about a "safe word" and then take it from there

My interpretation of siroco's suggestion was that it was something to try if either your own imagination ran dry or if you were trying to make certain you included a few of her favorite things. In either case I was envisioning this as something that would be done during -- rather than before -- the scene.

(Aside to siroco: not bad...for a slash writer!)

I know a lot of dominants roll their eyes at the mention of safe words, but I think they're essential for first-time tops, because they lack the neccessary sense of proportion that experience brings. Personally, I think even an experienced top should use a safe word system with a beginning bottom (which I guess we've established yours is not), because you never know quite what to expect with a newbie, or exactly how she's going to react to what might be a perfectly innocuous occurance.

I like a two word system, one to mean "time out" and one to mean "it's over". Remember to keep the word(s) easy to remember in a panic, but not something the bottom would normally say. I like "take 5" and "cut", but you can probably come up with something better. I know a lot of people use a color code, "yellow" and "red".

I hope this works out for you, man.

Thanks Curtis...I think the idea of having the "what do you expect" conversation during the first session is a great idea. After a few drinks in front of the TV (Sambuca makes her really horny) and once she is bound she will be turned on and more inclined to be honest about her expectations and desires.

We're still in that mode where...how do I put this...I know that she knows exactly what she wants. But I think she is still too shy to be totally open about it At least in the course of a normal living room conversation. Like BruceBoxer pointed out...it's obviously something she is really into or she wouldn't have brought up the whole discussion in the first place. The I-bolts were her suggestion which leads me to believe that she has more experience than she wants to let on. She is not exactly the "mechanically inclined" type and I wouldn't have even expected her to know what an "I-bolt" was.

I'm seeing her later this evening so maybe as things are heating up I'll point out the position she is going to be in this time next week and see where the conversation takes me.

Either way, you guys will get a full account after our first session...which will actually be several sessions over the course of the weekend. I'm already as excited as a kid in a candy store plotting out different positions I can restrain her in. It's not quite the kind of thing I can make small talk with friends about and this forum is a great release for me as I find you people to be articulate, intelligent and sensible.

I guess I'll learn as I go. Since I started this thread...everytime we make love I get a little bolder...gripping her hair to hold her in position, shoving my cock down her throat etc. And everytime I get a little bolder she surprises me by reacting even more enthusiastically than I expected. I don't know where this roller coaster is going but I can tell its going to be one helluva fun ride!!!

One last thing...I purchased a cock ring and I've heard certain things and explanations about what they do and how they heighten an erection and maintain it. Can anyone tell me from experience how they work? I'm also interested in getting my hands on some viagra. If anybody can help I'd love to hear from you. I do Ok on my own, but I'm still only human...the idea of maintaining a hardon for several hours raises some interesting possibilities in this situation. If you don't want to respond in the thread, My e-mail is MrJerseyGuy@hotmail.com

Thanks again for your suggestions

Okay, the cock ring I have some experience with. The designs are legion, so my best advice would be to try it on some night when you're alone (or afternoon, if she's there every night). Make sure you can figure out how to get it on without fumbling (makes you look more professional) and without hurting yourself.

The one I have MUST be put on while I'm soft. Others don't have that restriction, but you may need a lubricant to get it on while you're hard. Also, some are adjustable, so you can stay hard without cutting off your circulation (only reducing it). Experiment to find how tight you can get it without your penis turning purplish red. If you get it too tight, you can only wear it for 30-60 minutes (depending on just how tight), which defeats your purpose.

If you're trying to keep yourself from cuming, you may be disappointed. My experience is that there is no degree of restriction that will prevent ejaculation, and that the restriction itself hastens arousal. Your experience may differ, of course. I find that, aside from heightening the sensation at orgasm, the primary purpose of a cock ring is to keep me hard after I cum.

Which brings me to the Viagra. In a word, don't. There's a reason it's a prescription only drug. In people with pre-existing heart conditions it can cause a rapid-onset heart attack. Also, most people aren't aware of what the functioning mechanism of Viagra is. It will not help you attain repeated erections. It is not an aphrodisiac. It will not keep you hard indefinitely. It won't make you any bigger. It won't have much (if any) noticable effect on a person who "...does okay on their own". It will take about an hour to have any effect at all.

Seriously, if you want to get it up several times in a night, the best idea is to abstain from sex for 48-72 hours prior to the big weekend, then PACE YOURSELF. Figure that you're going to need an hour (or more -- you would know better than I) soft between each erection and make a plan for activities that don't require your erection (several of them, in fact).

Remember the line from...some damn song or other..."Which do you choose, a hard or soft option?" (East End Boys And West End Girls) If you're going to have two and a half days for this, it can't be bang-bang-bang all of the time. There are also soft options -- things that keep the mood going without requiring a lot of effort or minute-to-minute planning. More like concepts or guiding principles. (I assume you're going to ask for examples. The best I could do for you would be to refer you to a book you'll never be able to find by next weekend: Surrender, by Anonymous, Carroll & Graf Publishers Inc., New York, c.1993, ISBN 0-7867-0035-1)

Of course, your fascinated fellow Forumites will probably have suggestions of their own.

Thanks again for the well thought out advice Curtis. Especially the answer about the cock ring. I hope you all don't mind my using this forum as my personal diary...but I just got home and have to report on last nights events. It was another amazing night!!!

My son told me he was staying at a friends house so I spent the night at her apartment. She has a one bedroom and this is the weekend when she has her 2 year old so we are limited to her couch...which is a small. This is the whole reason we are saving the "main event" for next weekend when we have the whole weekend alone at my place. Anyway...

After our first round of sex we were laying there watching TV and I asked her if I was being too rough...she just laughed and said "Are you kidding?". As she was almost falling asleep I started playing with her nipples. As I said before, she has really small tits but very sensitive nips. I reached into my glass (bourbon & coke) and took and ice cube and applied it to her nipples...spending time on each but going back and forth from left to right. I got bolder about pinching and pulling them figuring the ice was having a numbing effect. She started moaning slightly with her eyes still closed and at one point I asked if I was hurting her...she nodded that I wasn't. I said "If it hurts just tell me Ok?" and she again nodded that she would. Well after that I went to town on those babies just about twisting them off like bottle caps! The moaning just got louder. At a time when I KNEW I had to be hurting her I said "This is making your pussy wet, isn't it" and she nodded telling me that it was. After completely melting a second ice cube on her tits I went down on her again. I think it turned her on more because I had cum inside her a short time ago and was basically licking my own cum out of her. Not a particularly big turn on for me...but she seemed to like it.

I guess I was over confident from the nipple session and started probing her ass with a finger. She never protested and I didn't push the issue so I never completely inserted the finger but she still seemed to like the ass play. If there had been a lubricant handy I would have and I'm sure she would have liked it. But one thing at a time.

Later we started the same scenario again and it was just as good. I think we fucked for four hours. The last time I started she finally said that her nipples were too sore now and we'd have to stop. I love this girl! Can't wait for the next time!

Just another report...

The night after my last entry I stayed away from the nipples figuring that they had to be hurting. But then out of the blue when I was kissing her I grabbed two fists full of hair and pulled as tight and hard as I could. She couldn't hide her excitement. It seemed that the harder I pulled the hotter she got. I carried it over to when I had my cock in her mouth...one hand gripping her hair as tightly as I could while pounding a few fingers in and out of her bald cunt as hard as I could. So far, the rougher I get the more she seems to like it. At this point (Monday), I think I'm going to avoid sex with her for the rest of the week so I have a full load saved up for Friday night! I can't wait to report on the events of this coming weekend. By Friday I will have had two weeks to plan this out. It should be a great weekend

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Originally posted by MrJerseyGuy
Just another report...

The night after my last entry I stayed away from the nipples figuring that they had to be hurting. But then out of the blue when I was kissing her I grabbed two fists full of hair and pulled as tight and hard as I could. She couldn't hide her excitement. It seemed that the harder I pulled the hotter she got. I carried it over to when I had my cock in her mouth...one hand gripping her hair as tightly as I could while pounding a few fingers in and out of her bald cunt as hard as I could. So far, the rougher I get the more she seems to like it. At this point (Monday), I think I'm going to avoid sex with her for the rest of the week so I have a full load saved up for Friday night! I can't wait to report on the events of this coming weekend. By Friday I will have had two weeks to plan this out. It should be a great weekend

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Wow, what self control, I couldnt do this,... and if I tried I would be obsessed with sex at every moment... I cant go a few days without it...

in an earlyer post that you mentioned that you call each other 10 times a day.

How about this idea alot of cell phones or beepers have a vibrate funtion instead of a ringer. have her where a tight pair of pantys to work and slip a cell phone in her pantys set to viberate when it rings. Then when she is at work all you have to do is reach out and touch some one. That will keep her bussy.

I am totally intrigued to know how things are going Guy Sir.

While I have to agree she deingetly knows what she wants, I need to confess, she may know what she wants with little or no actual experience.

While I lived my "vanilla" life, my earliest memory sexually was still bondage related, and I am talking maybe 3 at tops. The first time I felt "safe enough" to actually make a real attempt to let my interests be known I had been thinking about it in fantasy and day dreaming of what would be needed, then privately experimenting with the feelings, including figuring out how to make those "possibilities plausible.

Back then there was no internet, it was what I can only guess is known as the BBS system. My computer experience was limited till 2000.

Having said that, the minute I found access to the internet I was reading as much as possible, and found this site, as well as many others.

Sooooo, it maybe that with her interests and limited sexual partners, she has also been dreaming of that possible reality Top/Dom to be in her life, and finding her very best friend to be so interested must be an incredible excitement for her.

If you ask me, she may not have been willing to ell you what she is intersted in or expects because the desire to be controlled and dominated is part of that entire desire she has been displaying to you each time she reacts to your actions.

*giggles and thinks thats one reason we are known as subbies*

Love this thread!

all my best wishes for you both!

veru ;)

I've been away from the forum for a few days...I was surprised to see that the thread is still alive! It's nice to see that you're interested! Things have continued to progress nicely. As I posted in the "Shaving" thread, I recently let her shave me. I had to rationalize that since I don't like getting a mouthful of hair when getting busy down there, I can't blame her for feeling the same.

She never ceases to amaze me. I believe I wrote before that she really seemed to like the whole "forced face fucking" thing. I've been trying to test those limits without hurting her and the other night I was particularly horny and just said "fuck it" I got on top with her on her back and just shoved my cock in her mouth and fucked her for all I was worth...I've never seen her more turned on. I honestly don't know how she breaths like that!

We have to laugh about it...this is the girl I used to call a prude because she had never used a dildoe or vibrator and didn't have a "fun drawer" in her bedroom.