Tips for Dom's from a sub.
I was laying in bed last night thinking about my prior online Doms and about all the things that I loved about them and disliked.
I gathered a few things together that I think would really be good for Doms to know or realize. They are pretty basic, but it might be nice to share... so I will. This will be fairly short, so other people, feel free to add some. View this as a starter list.
Okay here we go:
Think about all that your sub. gives to you. Sometimes she may be reluctant to serve you. Maybe she is tired, or stressed.. these are the times you do need to spoil her a bit. Yes most of us know our place and are typically willing to give give give... but when your sub. says "no" .. "I can't" or just looks exhausted..don't think she doesn't want to. It can really beat her up when she cannot give to you. This is a time that you can give back to her. Let her lie down and give her a nice back rub, not a 1 mintue thing but... spend 10 or 15 minutes just rubbing her back and if she wishes talking to her. I guarantee this will work wonders. Do not expect anything out of it, just let her rest.. she may fall asleep (which she might need rest) but .. like in my case she may end up feeling so relaxed and stress free that she then wants to give give give... Many Doms get these ideas that they can't give this sort of "spoiling" or whatever to their subs... but you can.. this does not mean you are giving up your place of headship.. it just means you are charishing your dear one. Thats OKAY!
Next:
If your sub. has suddenly done something to disapoint you.. or needs correction, you can bet she feels badly about it. I have found that about 90% of the time a sub has done something wrong its because she wants attention. Granted, doing naughty things to get attention is not the best way of going about things.. BUT.. STOP. ask yourself " have I been working more? " " Has my personal life taken away from my sub?" "have I been more stressed out?" "How much time have we spent together?" You may gain a bit of persepctive. subs and Doms think much differently. Most subs run on emotion and just get so hurt and sad when they do not have their Doms to comfort them... or when their Doms are"too busy" they get restless because their whole world revolves around YOU. If they can't serve you, please you, and communicate with you, what do you expect them to do? It is difficult to always be perfect... I am not saying that subs do not do naughty things and deserve punishment, but stop and think about why they may have done what they did.. It may open up the lines of communication so that you can work on things in your relationship.
Next:
When punshing.. NEVER ever ever react on immediate emotion. It is important to sit and talk with your sub. Ask her why she did what she did. Explain how it made both of you feel. Explain what her punishment will be and why. This will help make it clear so that she will know what to avoid the next time, but also so she can understand how it affects you. This is very important. Lets say she is bringing dinner to the table and is being a bit goofy and drops the dinner plate.. the plate breaks... and she must be punished.. Now.. she may think she is being punished because the plate is broke.. however.. you may be punishing her because she was being careless at a serious time .. You would punish her but she wouldn't really get the gist of why it was happening.
Next: After punishment.. or correction you should provide time to talk with her... hold her... discuss things with her. There is probably much she will need to say.. she may feel very very bad about what she has done and will need to express this to you . She may need reassurance of your love for her, subs take correction seriously and often times let it effect their self esteem. It is is important that you make her feel special and good....
Next: Pay attention to your wording. There is a difference between want and need. A slave knows your wants and needs, often times better than you BUT... when you always say " i want I want I want" it can make us feel like nothing more than a servant.... when you say " I need" it makes us feel really important.. like we are more than serving.. but we are critical to your survival... little tweaks in your wording can really change our attitudes.
Next: Remind her of how much you cherish her/love her everyday. This is important. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our daily lives that we forget about hom importnat these words can be. Never end a session of play without telling her how you love her. A session can be emotionally and physically taxing... sometimes leaving your sub drained.... or if she coudln't complete a task, bad about herself.. make sure she knows that you love her regardless of her performance.
Next: if you are going to criticize her... be constructive. Lets says she is getting a little out of shape.. instead of saying " you need to exercise" "you need to lose weight" .. etc.... offer to do it with her. Women in general loose more weight when their companions except the same dietary and exercise habits. You might say " You know, I don't think we are as healthy as we could be, why don't we try adding more raw fruits and veggies to our meals?" or " would you mind taking walks with me after dinner?" little things like that make alllll the difference. If you say it bluntly.. she will feel unattractive and is less like to perform well becuase she will be worried about her physical apperance. This will have a snowball effect into other areas.
Next: Porn. Do NOT go from porn to you sub. Jackin off by the pc or t.v. and then saying "Get over here slut" does not make her feel like you desire her... she realizes that its the porn girls that are getting you hard and she is just there to finish you off. This can make her feel unattractive and worthless. Perhaps you need porn... (every has something that gets them going) but maybe when you get hard... and ready.. tell her " You are so much more beautiful than those girls".. sure we may know its a line.. but its a good one... and it makes us feel better and we will be more into pleasing you.
these are just a few things I thought about.. I am sure I am missing some steps... please don't get offended by what I say...these are just a few areas that I have seen problems arise time and time again in... and they are can be easy to change. It will take effort on both parties sides... and it will take time and communication..... BUT IT IS WORTH IT!
Remember to care for your subs... her mind body and soul are yours.. you must treat them as good as you treat your ownself. A sane man would never harm his own body... so never harm your sub.
-Anya- (aka Sera)
