Hi. I’m currently in a relationship with an open-minded guy who isn’t into bdsm himself, but does scenes with me anyway, for my enjoyment. He says it’s fun as a game even though he doesn’t get the sexual kick out of it that I do, and so far he’s been an excellent top. The thing is, he told me now he’s curious about what it’s like from my end and wants *me* to top *him* sometime.

I’d like some advice here, because while I have been in relationships where I’ve had to switch before, I usually only top when I have a very clear idea of what my sub is looking for. He, of course, says he has no specific idea of what he wants. I know I should go physically easy on him, but other than that, I’m at a loss. Since he’s a hypnofetishist with a hard drive full of scary hypnodommes in huge black boots, maybe some cuffs and a show of control is really all I should go for. On the other hand, I personally prefer being a caring and reluctant disciplinarian…you know, the whole “this spanking is for your own good” thing. Any advice on how to proceed? (I’m kind of cringing here; I feel really inadequate next to all you lifestylers out there…)