ok im not sure if this is the right place or not. I love the idea of being tied up,spanked and raped. the idea of rough sex makes me extremely wet. my problem is this behavior is not accepted by my husband. he has an illness that has caused him problems. and as a result we have not had sex in 3 years.I will perform oral sex on him. and he will manipulate me. but its not enough. i read the stories here and the stories drive me wild. I know what I want is to be dominated and totally controlled. but he would never stand for that. could anyone offer advice on how to handle my desires. is anyone else a closet sub if so how did you get past it?