i am frustrated with myself and needing to find a way to understand what i should have done to cope instead of breaking a rule my Master set for me.

Yesterday He went with His 11 yr old son to His friends about 25 minutes from us to work on His car while i took O/our 5 year old to a birthday. The day went by without any texts for hours. i got an answer to my 'hows it going?" a couple hours later "lousy, its a chrysler" kind of thing but nothing else about dinner time or anything. i began cooking, bathed the 5 year old and had him in pjs when i get a text 45 minutes before the 11year old is supposed to be at a party in my town that i would need to come and get him. nothing else. no other response when i said i would have to turn off dinner and dress the 5 yr old. Not a big deal, just i don't like to be caught off guard to drop everything and have to run like crazy to be late. i get there and i then find out i need to get wrapping paper and a card and all. i am sick, have chills and sore throat, no jacket...kids in pj's...i was upset.

He was upset that i was upset and i drove away with Him walking away without any resolution. W/we had minimal texting through the night and i went to bed angry and upset.

the rule i broke is i wore sweats to bed instead of being bare assed like He wishes because i was so pissed and there was no communication i couldn't even say i don't feel well can i? and i did defy Him directly.

so tonight when He comes home i am punished and i get why, i defied Him deliberately. Does anybody who lives as 24/7 couple with kids have any ideas of how to cope with what for vanilla couples would be standard, but for us it is different. i am disappointed in myself, yet i was beside myself at the time. i don't know how to be submissive when i can't even communicate with Him that i felt upset that He didn't consider my willingness to help but being upset i wasn't given the opportunity to do so in a way that would have made it easier and then given the opportunity to express that without Him getting mad...very normal husband and wife issues yes...the defiance a problem